I can tell you how myH did it. We were separated and I had suspected fire years that cheating had occurred at different points in our marriage over the years. Anyway he asked if we could talk so he could tell me things. He already had a mc appointment for a few days after his planned confession.

He started with the why or at least his understanding of why, which kinda put the blame on me and that was the only real mistake he made in his confession.

He was raw and emotional and told me as much as he could that night. After about 5 minutes of feeling like I was in a bubble watching my life likea movie saying oh my God about 20 times I asked him to take me home. He did and he left (remember we were separated).

I spent the next2 days and nights in shock and hysterical. (His A created a child). He checked on me frequently and when I was ready he came to see me and told me about the therapist.

He said he didn't expect me to take him back but begged that I give hima chance to prove he had changed. Those early days were crucial. He was very sensative to my needs.

I think offering to sleep in another room or giving hima chance to spend time at a friend or families while he absorbs some of it. Buying the book gabbi recommended on helping your spouse heal is also a good idea. It will show him that you are willing to do whatever it takes.

I wish you all the best in the days to come. I hope he finds the ability to forgive you.

you just do my friend. you just sit there and you say "i have something to tell you...." and you just watch yourself from a distance and just be in the moment. Don't plan it, don't have a strategy, don't try to fix it.... just be in in the moment. I'm sorry you have to go through it... its rough, but once you come clean.... you can move on.

As a CS I wish my H would just come clean completely so we can move on, whether it be reconcile or separate. I hate the stuff going on behind my back and the dishonestly, it just doesn't feel right. Like the other's said it's rough, but you both need to get past it. Good luck and hugs.