Over a week ago I signed up on this board and was totally lost. I actually started writing my first post and after if got to the point of a couple large paragraphs, I set it aside to continue another time.

I knew I was a compulsive cheater, but I also knew there had to be something more. I didn't end my quest to try and learn and understand here, but it was definitely a helpful step in that now continual ongoing process.

Long story short, I realized that I might have a different view on life and relationships than what is the typical expected norm. I read some fascinating editorial articles about Dan Savage's GGG theory that compared his views with others. I spent hours and hours on reading and researching several kinds of other topics. I talked to a lot of people, including meeting some additional women online and offline who were either married and separated as well as others who were happily living in open relationships. I saw the devastation and pain these cheating and lying husbands caused to their spouses. I saw from the other end of the looking glass what I had been doing to my wife for years. These recent women that I met, I either consciously or unconsciously originally met for sex. One of them I actually did have sex with.

I hated the person who I had become. I hated what I had basically been doing all of my adult life. I needed to end the lies. I needed to own up to my mistakes and realize I might be different. I had to come to terms that I might loose my wife in this process, but that she deserved to be happy and so did I. I truly, madly, deeply love my wife with all of my heart. I think that she is the most amazing woman that I have ever known. I also know that she absolutely accepts me for me, however fucked up or not I might be or feel.

I came clean to her about absolutely everything. I told her that I could not lie any more. It was destroying me inside and I could not go on like that. It was tearing both of us apart inside and destroying us. The thing about me is I am very very good at lying and covering things up. I learned how to manipulate people and lie and get my way at a very young age. I'm also a brutally honest person and I do not hold back punches.

My liar self was struggling with my brutally honest self in an epic battle. Both of these fuckers are really dirty and no holds barred. My brutally honest self won and I have never been happier. My wife I think has also never been happier.

It has been extremely difficult for both of us, but we BOTH have actually felt huge weights lifted off our chests. Even though it's very hard on both of us and we are still learning, we know it's for the better and we are growing as individuals and as a couple.

Here's to the rest of our lives on this journey together.