Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
I have been looking at books to read to help me try and figure out my issues, where they stem from and how to change.
I think a list of books others have read would be a great help not just to me but others on this site.
Can you give me titles and let me know what the book is about (if the title is not obvious) and let me know how it helped you?
Thanks!
Codependent No More
Conquering Shame and Codependency
Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin
Where to Draw the Line
Healing the Shame that Binds You
Also for affair recovery:
After the Affair
And specific to my AP:
The Sociopath Next Door
It's been so quiet in here!
Clover recommended: "Codependency for Dummies".......I clearly was in a codependent relationship with my AP for 3 years and didn't recognize it (she did), felt trapped in my feelings, etc and didn't understand why I was behaving why I was. It just helped me see the situation for what it was, identify how unhealthy the relationship was, look at my own patterns in behavior that weren't
helpful for my emotional health, turning focus on myself, and assist me in embarking on ending that relationship and recovery. Love my Clover!
Shakespeare recommended "The Seven Principals for Making a Marriage Work" by John Gottman. I felt stuck, didn't think it could go anywhere, felt very trapped, needed to make decisions (cheating was a really just a temporary bandaid and in a nutshell, I felt like I was really accomplishing nothing but becoming a champ at deceiving another human being, Yay me!), I couldn't imagine living as I was living for the rest of my life, I couldn't imagine our marriage getting better, and we were just on two different wavelengths with so much. I needed something more but I couldn't articulate what that more was. Our emotional connection and intimacy had become so lost I couldn't even begin to consider it salvageable. It became that my marriage was what it was.....nothing more and I accepted it. I felt like I was in a gridlock and beyond stressed over it all.
THIS book, and I am NOT big on self-help books AT ALL, literally saved me. The foundation was over 30years of study on all sorts of marriages (all sorts!). It is NOT a focus on 'you should do this or that'.....it was more of an analysis on marriage and did help me think of goals, what I wanted and did we want the same thing?, how to address obstacles, what is salvageable and what isn't, and how to make decisions. It helped me have difficult yet crucial conversations, including gaps in our communication, intimacy, sexuality, opening up our marriage and what that means for each other.
Now I just wish I could find a book on how to forget an affair partner as if they never existed. LOL.
Uh! God, I miss that man.
But, really, I think its all a work a progress. But isn't life a work a progress? We are all here to learn and grow....at least that is my belief.
I will check out The Codependency for Dummies definitely. I did counseling for a year both individual and couples. I also have gaps with communication, intimacy and sexual issues but any time I try to discuss my H gets defensive so it is very hard to even try to talk about it. Maybe I need that book too. No books on the magic of forgetting Ap's unfortunately. I do believe everything we go through brings up to where we need to be and some of these things make us stronger and better people.....at least I believe this. Life sure is a work in progress but why doe sit have to be so damn hard? I guess I have myself to blame for that. Thanks for the wisdom and suggestions. Seeing YG tomorrow and yes it makes me feel sick in the stomach. No magic pill for forgetting things. :(