Cheaters Anonymous Community Group

This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.

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abetterman 08/18/2015

I really enjoy the chase. I think part of my desire for the excitement comes from not having the things that used to excite me prior to my marriage. At one time I was very busy with sports and highly competitive. When I wasn't competing I was outdoors doing other things that brought a rush of endorphins. Now the only thing I do for fun is lift weights and have sex with my wife. My home life is perfect, really! Even so I don't find the rush in very many other things I do these days. I have lots of hobbies and interests but I rarely have time for them. I work hard and on my days off I try to catch up on chores around the house. Not very exciting. I have always been a very balanced man. Always calm and able to make the right decision. I could never make an error in judgement such as cheating.......but things have changed.

When I am away from home I am instantly in "hunter" mode. I wonder if I simply and looking for the excitement? Can I full that void with by picking up my hobbies again? I need something to change soon. I am suppressing my desires.......but I'm loosing that battle!! I have felt this building up for several years now and I am bursting at the seems.

abetterman 08/18/2015

*once excite me

shoretimenow 08/18/2015

For me there is definitely the beginning relationship thrill factor. 'That feeling'

timothyfreeman 08/18/2015

Exactly my case as well. Instant tomcat, prowling around looking for any movement.... Getting to know someone new and laying on the charm was/is a highlight of my life. The sex was a mere fringe benefit; it was the chase that was the thrill

timothyfreeman 08/18/2015

And yes, "that feeling" of the beginning relationship is completely addictive

teacher37 08/19/2015

I can't really say any of that. I just had a big friggin hole in me emotionally that needed filling. I was so disconnected from my husband that I often fantasized about him dying or cheating on me just so that I could be alone. That's terrible, I know, but nevertheless I did that. My affair was exciting and addicting but also it gave me a sense of closeness to another human being that I had been missing for nearly a decade.

mikemnn 08/19/2015

Betterman - You hit the nail on the head, at least for me. A was about excitement, not sex. If you recall my story, my W and I were in an open relationship, and that too was more about excitement for me than sex. What I really wanted out of it was the ability to feel like I could still "prowl," as Timothyfreeman put it, and feel like women were interested in me. I wanted to feel like I still "had it," if you know what I mean. That's the addictive stuff, in my opinion. Because chasing--and seeing our chase pay off--gives us a sense of validation

prettyanddumb12 08/19/2015

Teacher - exOM had the death/infidelity fantasies too. Should have been a bit of a red flag.. but you know, the fog.

Anyway, he seems to have happily bounced unscathed back into his M.. smiles and all. So there's hope for you yet! Hahaha.

No really. I think the A comes from a combo of all of these things mentioned. At least for us.. the individuals here in the group willing to search out the cause. I suspect the good, ol' fashioned sex addicts don't bother with such a group.

whatamithinking 08/20/2015

For me it's a combination of an unfillable emotional hole and the high of new love. That dopamine from the first year of any relationship is like any illicit drug for me. And the high helps to lessen the feeling of the emptiness. But, I feel deep guilt about this because my H is a very good, kind, loving, committed, attentive man. Therapy is helping me identify some boundaries that are currently keeping me from jumping from flirtation to PA these days. But every day is a struggle because I crave the fog despite knowing how destructive it is.

timothyfreeman 08/22/2015

Yes, combination for me as well: There is the very "make" hunter side, but this deeply sad and lonely side as well that never felt a kind or supportive spouse was at my side. And yet I partly "built" that unsupportive spouse by my behavior; as I now recognize.

Ugly cycle, not sure which came first. Or if it even matters

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