I had an honest heart to heart with him and said I didn't want to do the sneaking around anymore, that I felt guilty and I didn't like the person I'd become. And that secrets are very burdensome and weighing on me and my faith. As much as I cared for him, my gut was telling me this wasn't right.

He was married 4 kids and wanted me to leave my BF for him. Then my BF gave me a ring and I ended it the next day. And it was cold turkey NC ever since (although he rearranged his schedule to see me at the gym at work and goes the same time I do; I started going earlier, now he goes earlier too, very irritating, but not a word even hello).

What a mistake it would've been to leave my fiancé for another woman's H. I'm not sure if your situation is similar but my gut instinct and using my head - not my heart - was my strength. I hope you find the strength too.

I think it depends on the individual.
I tried multiple techniques. I even joined this site a full 2 1/2 months before I ended it and tried the "its just wrong" approach. I finally caught him lying and that was my motive....couldn't deny that....but we got back in contact in the spring.
He was manipulated and knew (knows) how to persuade me. I wasn't strong enough.

I tried ignoring, screaming, flipping out, discussing rationally, crying.....he would always come back.
About 10 days ago...(he is seeing someone else) I said, I'm happy for you, I wish you the best, its time for me to move on, and I'm seeing someone else....a lie...but....he hasn't contacted me in a week......the
longest ever. Its always him that contacts me and never the opposite.

You would think it would be easy wouldn't you? I'm also dealing with someone who has more issues than the average bear (and after this ordeal, you can probably say the same about me).
All I can say is keep trying......

I agree with Jane.....use your head and your gut. I let it all go too far.

Just drifting is right. When the pain out weighs the pleasure it's over. That's exactly what happened to me.
Heard

Thank you. It's been 14 years and he has been married half of that time.

We started off dating then broke up and remained Fwb and he and a gf became pregnant so they did the "right thing" and got married. I've ended it unsuccessfully several times and I'm getting therapy to try to move on. It's more than physical it's a very strong connection we are best friends (though invisible ones) and we truly love each other. However as my name says love is not enough. I have no delusions that he would leave his family and I don't want to be a factor in that or cause anyone that kind of pain.

This is the most selfish thing I have ever done and I wish I could be angry at him or something that would make the pain of staying together worse than being apart. Being apart was so painful for both of us that we just stayed together.

Thank you for your advice and I welcome more.