Thank you, darn, for responding. This isn't exactly the kind of thing one asks their friends/mother about and it's so lonely. Nice to know this is maybe part of the recovery phase.

Reconciliation takes a lot of time and a constant effort. Many sources say that 2 years is a point where you reach stability. I would agree with this because at 2 years we are relatively stable.

Helping your husband heal and really talking about his pain can help you develop more empathy for him and in turn help you love him better. It could be that he isn't communicating his feelings to you, or you may not want to hear about the pain.

You just came out of a intoxicating fantasy and entered a very harsh reality. It takes time to readjust and find emotional equilibrium for yourself as well.

Even if you don't miss the affair/partner you will miss the carefree high it provided.

i had an unplanned one time affair that lasted three hours with my friend ex 's. i felt no love it was a hormonal reaction on my part. i love my husband completely and am remorseful i surrendered to intense physical passion from my girlfriend's ex. when he started kissing and massaging my body i lost my sanity and intelligence completely and became a lustful animal. i am praying it will never happen again but fear it will resurface. that why i on this forum.

I can totally relate, I am going through the same thing. I was having a 2-3 year affair unbeknownst to my husband until two weekends ago when he broke into my phone and found messages between me and my AP then text my affair partner pretending to be me. He put two and two together and realized we were sexually intimate. I confessed everything to him, he is struggling with it but we are talking. I start my first counseling session this Tuesday, I want to understand why I made the choice to do this. I take full responsibility for my actions and deeply regret hurting my husband. The flip side is the feelings I have towards my AP and I have no one to talk to about it. I am still communicating with my AP via email, I know I need to cut off all communication but I am so torn. I know it's a fantasy and not reality, I also know if I walk away from husband completely I may live in regret not trying to reconcile my marriage, also I feel I would be walking away from God, because ultimately I broke my vows to God first. I found a website affairrecovery.com and will be taking the course for the unfaithful spouse. I am hoping it will bring some clarity and light into the situation. I hope you too can get healing for your heart, just wanted to let you know I understand your situation, if any of you need anything I am here :-)

I'm in a similar place as the original poster. Married for 5 years (no kids together), and I had a brief mainly emotional (1 physical encounter) affair with a married man from work. I felt it was instant chemistry. We knew we had crossed a boundary so we only continued sexting and met in conference rooms at work to talk. Bottom line... I fell for the gut after only 7 weeks. I broke it off, only for him to agree with me, which sent me into a tailspin. I was pissed he was fine with stopping. So I broke down to my husband, who contacted the other mans wife twice to disclose the situation (they are still together). And here I am 3 months out from the fallout, and I'm pissed my husband told the wife. I'm upset at myself for that. How could I be mad at my husband, the man I betrayed? But I am, because now the other man wants no contact, not even friends. Which I I know is the right thing, but I'm devastated. I feel like the other man was "it" for me, despite it being wrong. And I'm struggling to have those same feelings for my husband, who is the man who derserves love. Ugh, I'm just so lost. I love my husband but I'm feeling so unsure of myself or how to think or feel. Thanks for listening folks.

@sparkette

I am really glad that I found this site. These are things that people who havent been put on that situation would understand. Yes, we feel. And these feelings are intense - it's almost like there are 2 people living inside our body and even though we know the right thing to do, sometimes it is just so hard.
I want to say you are lucky for having a patient and understanding husband but I know veyr little details. One thing is definite though - your AP already made a decision, and you are not included on it. I know how painful it is and I dont want to add that or rub that in your face. I was the AP and ex is back with W posting on social media how happy they are as if I never existed. I hate it. But we gotta work on whats on our plate... little by little, we will be okay again. We just need to give it time.

@mitchie
I am also glad I found people who understand. Try talking to a close friend about it, and they don't understand and I hope they never do. My feelings seem so selfish but they are my feelings and I have to get them out. I am very grateful for my husband, but I truly worry this happened not because I was meant to be with AP, but because I'm not supposed to be married to my H. I've got a lot of emotions. I can't stop thinking of my AP... I've oversaturated him with email to the point that he stopped responding 2 weeks ago. And after D Day, our communications were me begging to at least be my friend and him saying we can't just be friends so it's impossible to remain in contact. I appreciate your honesty... you are right. He's made his decision and I need to accept that. I'm so sorry you too are going through this. It's hard to not check in to see what's posted on social media. Just remember it's a front. They obviously have their problems but it's do hard knowing he's working on it with her. How do stop yourself from contacting him still? I really struggle and get obsessive. I never took break ups well.... they always took me longer than most.

Checked back on this and see some new comments.

@Myst1 - please let me know how that affair recovery workshop goes. I have seen it and was considering it also.

Things are a constant emotional rollercoaster. I'm completely in agreement with Sparkette about feeling that maybe l fell into the affair because my husband is ultimately not the right person for me. It's a nagging, destructive thought despite best efforts to not go there.

On the other hand, there are now some better days too and it gives me hope that maybe it's possible to restore. I want so much for it to work.

It's hard to not think about AP, but l remind myself that none of that was real, even if it felt like it at the time. I kind of hate him for doing this to me, to my family. No one to blame but myself, unfortunately. This is all just a constant commentary of running thoughts. Thanks for listening.