Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
Ive been with my boyfriend (let's call him Tommy) for almost 4 years. We met in high school (I was a sophomore, he was a senior so he's two years older than me) and we are now attending college together. He's incredibly smart, funny, he treats me like a princess. I love him to pieces and I don't know what I would do without him. Everyone always says that if they had a relationship, they would hope its like ours, but our relationship isn't perfect.
He's captain of the speech and debate team at our school. He has a lot of friends there and I've grown fairly close to all of them. One, especially, Zack. Zack and I have a lot in common, we have both gone through a lot of similar shit. We both struggle with depression and anxiety. We have been texting for a couple months and Zack has told me a lot about himself. He told me that he has this fetish... where he likes to play "the bull." He likes to be the "other man." He told me that he wants to be my other man...
I never thought I would be the one to cheat. I've been cheated on and it hurt so badly, so why would I do that? But Zack excites me. My relationship with Tommy has fallen flat and Zack makes it fun again. Zack and I haven't even done anything in person. We have "sexted" and we have planned meetings to do things but they always fall through... mainly because I know what to say to make him not want to come, so he cancels and I don't have to.
I want to do things with Zack but I'm also afraid. I'm afraid of what happens afterwards. Will it happen again and again and again? Will the lies get to my head? Will I have to break up with Tommy? Will Tommy find out and break up with me? I don't want to break his heart but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to end things with Zack and I don't know if I want to. I want him so badly but I also want my relationship with Tommy, a beautiful relationship that I don't want to ruin. He would not only lose me but he would lose one of his best friends.
Should I tell Tommy right now before things happen between Zack and me? What do I do about Zack?
I don't want to be called this horrible person that I feel like so please don't berate me. I don't know what to expect from this forum thing.
I forgot to say that Zack told me that he would ask me out if I wasn't dating Tommy. I guess I shouldn't be so gullible, though.
Ask yourself how you would feel if your boyfriend found out out. How would you feel if he broke it off? New relationships are always exciting...............until they aren't.
Zach sounds like he is looking for fun but is he what you really want?
Is Zach the reason your current relationship is flat? Many times the other man makes us feel this way.
Would you feel this way if Zach were out of the picture?
You are young so maybe too young to be so serious but Id caution you to not expect the same type of relationship from a man who loves being the "other" man knowing he is stealing another man's girl and cheating. Big red flag there sweetie.
Come clean and break it off with Tommy or Zach.
To be warned....Zach told you that he loves cheating on girls. 100% chance he will dump you once you leave Tommy as the excitement will be over and then cheat on you if he stays with you.
Either way your problems won't be solved by just choosing and coming clean. There is something that needs to be fixed through counseling as you seek unhealthy attention and excitement from people who are obviously unhealthy. You need to take steps to make yourself a healthy person or any relationship you are in will not make it.
Having your cake and eating it too is going to hurt a lot of people, yourself included.
That being said, it seems you may not want to be in a committed relationship. And that is completely fine. College years are truly a time when you develop into your adult self. It's a time for experimenting with your sexuality, and figuring out what is really important to you as an individual.
If I were you, I would break up with your boyfriend and be single. Enjoy these years, you never get them back!