Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
I cheated twice on my husband, the first time at the beginning of last year and second was at the end of that year. I hate myself so much for it all...I kept it from him for so long. I want to just die and let it all go away, but I can't cause I'm three months pregnant with my husbands kid. A part of me thinks he is only staying with me because of the baby. He has trouble saying I love you again but he can have sex with me when he wants. But I'm getting off subject, I can't sleep or eat or do anything without thinking about what I did. What I could of did or why I did it. Then I can't stop thinking about it in general. I sit there for hours thinking about how I hurt my best friend..how my husband is heartbroken and depressed cause of me. My stupid self. How I don't deserve this chance or his kid or just him in general. I feel like I don't deserve anything anymore. I pray for forgiveness every night, I know Jehovah will forgive me if I work on myself to draw close to him. But I'm having a hard time forgiving myself. For telling myself to calm down, to not beat myself up about it or make my baby suffer through it. It's hard, cause I see him down and beaten up. Then I go back to thinking about it, or I lay there by myself and think about it. Idk what to do anymore. I just want some advice on how anyone grew away from what they did. I want to be happy and be ready for my baby to arrive. I want to change my ways so I can be a better wife and be a good mom
All you can really do is focus less on what you did and focus more on how you can help your husband heal and take steps towards being a better person in general. If this occurs then naturally you will be come a better wife and mother.
What has helped is that my wife tries to help me at any chance without being asked. When he sees you making a prolonged and active effort to make amends it will help him and you as well.
Given that you have cheated more than once it is definitely important for your to seek counseling to get a better understanding of your issues in order to prevent it from happening again.