I need to talk about something. I have a fear of being alone in public. I have a housecleaning business and I have no problem there. Driving around town to various homes and business cleaning. Even for single men. Even the car dealership where men are around right as I am leaving, but when it comes to going into stores, gas stations, etc... I get increasingly nervous and fearful. I feel vulnerable and unsafe alone in public. Sometimes I become irrationally convinced that OM will be there or show up while I'm there. Of course, that could happen but not too likely. Sometimes I have to go to stores alone because clients send me there to pick things up for them. Some of those stores are in OM's neighborhood. It is more than that though. Today, I had to go to the gas station and go inside. It is a big busy gas station and there were a lot of men there. I wasn't even thinking (much) about OM possibly being there but I got increasingly uncomfortable and when I made it back to my car I cried.
It has been almost a year since DDAY and I really thought It would get better about going out in public but it's not at all. OM even promised my H that if he ever saw me in public he would not acknowledge me and I believe him. This whole thing is not even rational. I have nothing to fear but I do anyway.
Agora is the Greek word for marketplace. Agoraphobia litterally means fear of the marketplace. That seems to fit here although many take Agoraphobia to mean fear of leaving the home. I guess it means that in some social situations you feel fearful and unsafe. It helps a little if I can get H or someone on my bluetooth while I am there. I have not had real panic attacks with all the physical symptoms. I just get increasingly nervous and fearful and can't wait to get out of there. My H has been doing the weekly grocery shopping trips with me since DDAY. Something he has never ever done before. I feel safe with him there.