Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
Looking for fellow travelers:
I've spent weeks going around and around. I am committed to being a better man and to rescuing/rebuilding my marriage. My wife is (understandably) skeptical and insists I am an "addict" and a "narcissist."
Having read Patrick Carnes' "Out of the Shadows," and having done 3 in-depth psychiatric assessments, I'm fairly convinced I'm not an "addict" but have some behavior patterns that border on addiction and require immense support (Group, Psyche, etc.) to heal from.
But at the end of the day, I do not suffer from terribly low esteem, or find myself compulsively "needing" sexual stimulation (real or fantasy) to cover over my problems. I did what I did because I thought I wasn't hurting anyone and because I felt I was supplementing a meager marriage. No excuse, but there it is.
It got me into looking deeper into Narcissism and I think that's probably a much closer diagnosis. I'm a 17, when "normal" tops out at 15, and celebrities are often in the 18+ range. NPD is usually at 20+. So while I probably don't harbor a full-blown disorder, my tendencies (addiction/narc) have led to a toxic stew of sexual acting out (15 partners in 8 years, during an otherwise "good" marriage).
Anyone else running into this? Suggestions for addressing it and getting myself straightened out?
I've spent weeks going around and around. I am committed to being a better man and to rescuing/rebuilding my marriage. My wife is (understandably) skeptical and insists I am an "addict" and a "narcissist."
Having read Patrick Carnes' "Out of the Shadows," and having done 3 in-depth psychiatric assessments, I'm fairly convinced I'm not an "addict" but have some behavior patterns that border on addiction and require immense support (Group, Psyche, etc.) to heal from.
But at the end of the day, I do not suffer from terribly low esteem, or find myself compulsively "needing" sexual stimulation (real or fantasy) to cover over my problems. I did what I did because I thought I wasn't hurting anyone and because I felt I was supplementing a meager marriage. No excuse, but there it is.
It got me into looking deeper into Narcissism and I think that's probably a much closer diagnosis. I'm a 17, when "normal" tops out at 15, and celebrities are often in the 18+ range. NPD is usually at 20+. So while I probably don't harbor a full-blown disorder, my tendencies (addiction/narc) have led to a toxic stew of sexual acting out (15 partners in 8 years, during an otherwise "good" marriage).
Anyone else running into this? Suggestions for addressing it and getting myself straightened out?
These are the signs that lead me to explore exOM's narcissism (as well as my own!). There are many ways to feed the beast. It's less overall disastrous to do it through social media, as opposed to acting out and taking on multiple extramarital situations.
This is actually where I'm steering a lot of my exploration as well. I don't know if it's a low self-esteem/narcissism cycle (they seem like they're easily connected), or just a downright desperation for attention. I have definitely engaged in attention seeking behavior my entire life and I've grown quite good at it. Not necessarily attention from the masses (though I get my kicks from that too), but more individual attention that strokes my ego so nicely (the A).
Good luck! You're asking all the right questions, IMO.