Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
A year ago I cheated. A year has gone by and today it is hitting me harder than ever before. My ex was not perfect, but he was good. I am struggling with "the grass is always greener on the other side" mentality. My current boyfriend is who I cheated on my ex with and we are long distance and fight all the time. Yesterday it reached this awful point and for the first time ever I feel like I've made a mistake. I always knew what I did was wrong, and the guilt hasn't left me. It bothers and haunts me every day. I desperately want to move on. I want to text my ex and tell him I'm sorry for how I treated him but if he's doing better then I don't want to ruin that. My current boyfriend would definitely not be okay with it either.
I just don't know what to do anymore. Will my mistake ever fade its scars? I feel so incredibly broken and I am reminded of my old relationship constantly. Today my old friend admitted to finding it hard to talk to me and resented me for what I did to my ex when I finally asked her. How can I move on how can I feel better when there's nothing I can do to make it right. I just want to be happy but I feel like I don't deserve it. I feel like I am sabotaging myself and my new relationship. Or maybe he actually is worse for me. I don't know.
Go ahead and repeat that again. You deserve to be happy.
You are young, and you made a mistake with your ex. You are not getting along with your current boyfriend either, who happens to be who you cheated with. Maybe it doesn't work out with you two, that happens! Did I mention that I noticed you are still really young? It sounds like you need to come to terms with your guilt and start forgiving yourself, and don't take it as a "sign" if this current boyfriend doesn't work out.
It has been awhile since I have been on here and a while still since I read your last posts, so I'll try to take a look and remind myself of your situation. But, in teh meantime - please be kind to yourself and consider that it can be ok to accept that maybe this current guy, AND your ex, weren't or aren't the right person for you and if so, THAT IS OK, and not a punishment for your indiscretions. Be kind to yourself.
:)