SA, SAA or SLAA. I suspect SLAA, based on your previous post. Find an open meeting and check it out. Transparency - I'm an addict...and I've heard your story before, if not lived it. Best of luck....

I used to go to SLAA, which was helpful for a time, but after a while, personal discussions came up with the men who attended, and at least a couple of them told me I was not addicted as much as deprived and living a dishonest life by pretending I love my wife when I just didn't anymore.

Why, then, did it take me so long to leave the marriage after? Maybe I was addicted, too, not to the sex/love phenomena, but to the opposite - to being with someone who is willing to punish me for being something I wasn't and for forcing me to act as if I had feelings that did not exist. This was what I got from my parents - I sought to vindicate myself by seeking it in relationships as an adult. I'm now free of that, or at least, I think so, despite the impulses I often feel.

I was considering SLAA... I'm right there with you Kitty83. It's complete hell. Those moments of complete serentiy and control, "I can live without them!" then wham, a message comes and the dopamine surges and it is right back to square one. No attention, no reassurance, and I'm an (internalized) wreck. No appetite, no focus on the job. It's quite a monster. I'd love nothing more than freedom. If you ever need to talk I'll lend an ear.

I think its always there, you just learn tricks to stifle it.
Its definitely not easy- that's for sure and you aren't alone.
Your IC should be able to give you tools, if after years she hasn't, maybe its time to find someone who will.