Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
First of all, please allow me to say thank you to all the wonderfull people on this group. Your support, advice and kindness has been amazing. I pray for a a wonderful, forgiving, cheerful festive season for each one of us.
I would value your advice on this, I really don't know how to cope. I mentioned before that 8 months before Dday I started seeing a psychologist/counsellor to help me with the break up with the OM and to help me become stronger as a person (I am a bit of a push over). I started taking anti-depressants but it feels like I am just more and more falling into this black hole. I wish I could just sleep and sleep and sleep and when I wake up this whole nightmare would be over.
My husband has a very very strong personality, he doesn't have any real friends, in actual fact people are a bit "scared" of him when they meet him because of his strong personality. People describes him as a man whose time shouldnt be wasted with nonsense, if you cant talk about anything intelligent then rather dont talk to him at all. He has described himself as an intellectual snob. The advantage of this is that I can ask him about anything and he always knows the answer, seriously anything! (except the female mind, lol). he is very good explaining something, so when I ask him to explain to me something he really takes his time to do so.. The disadvantage of this is that I dont come close to his level and he doesnt have a "conversation partner" in me. The second disadvantage is that we don't have many friends because he literally scares them off.. So many times I've noticed how people literally try to avoid him at socia occasions. In the past I would be next to him all the time and thru my behaviour try to compensate for his by "being my bubbly self". Ive now stopped doing that and just concentrate on me and my friends. If he goes and sits in the corner I dont make excuses for him anymore. Now he is on his own.
The thing is, I am an optimist, a bubbly, happy persoon. I need to believe in fairytales, love, romance, Christmas, family etc. It feels like as soon as I try to pick up my head and try to be positive about my situation (meaning the affair) and life in general, he sees it that I dont show any remorse and that I dont take responsibility for what I've done.. It feels like I am not "allowed" to be happy. I have a degree in Psychology and since he doenst have any friends to talk to I have used all my Psych knowledge to objectively try to help him thru this process, but it has been so draining.
It feels like nothing is going to change. I am dealing with the fact that the OM used me, or shall I rather say, I allowed the OM to use/manipulate me. I don't see any reason, except for my children, to pick up my head, get out of bed and start the day. I really just want to lay here and cry and cry.
I SO badly want to be happy again, to throw my head back and laugh till my tummy hurts. I miss my family and I am stuck in this house where I have to keep pretending that everything is okay and happy. I am tired of trying. nothing is going to change. How do I seperae myself from his pain and not allow myself to fall into this black hole?
I would value your advice on this, I really don't know how to cope. I mentioned before that 8 months before Dday I started seeing a psychologist/counsellor to help me with the break up with the OM and to help me become stronger as a person (I am a bit of a push over). I started taking anti-depressants but it feels like I am just more and more falling into this black hole. I wish I could just sleep and sleep and sleep and when I wake up this whole nightmare would be over.
My husband has a very very strong personality, he doesn't have any real friends, in actual fact people are a bit "scared" of him when they meet him because of his strong personality. People describes him as a man whose time shouldnt be wasted with nonsense, if you cant talk about anything intelligent then rather dont talk to him at all. He has described himself as an intellectual snob. The advantage of this is that I can ask him about anything and he always knows the answer, seriously anything! (except the female mind, lol). he is very good explaining something, so when I ask him to explain to me something he really takes his time to do so.. The disadvantage of this is that I dont come close to his level and he doesnt have a "conversation partner" in me. The second disadvantage is that we don't have many friends because he literally scares them off.. So many times I've noticed how people literally try to avoid him at socia occasions. In the past I would be next to him all the time and thru my behaviour try to compensate for his by "being my bubbly self". Ive now stopped doing that and just concentrate on me and my friends. If he goes and sits in the corner I dont make excuses for him anymore. Now he is on his own.
The thing is, I am an optimist, a bubbly, happy persoon. I need to believe in fairytales, love, romance, Christmas, family etc. It feels like as soon as I try to pick up my head and try to be positive about my situation (meaning the affair) and life in general, he sees it that I dont show any remorse and that I dont take responsibility for what I've done.. It feels like I am not "allowed" to be happy. I have a degree in Psychology and since he doenst have any friends to talk to I have used all my Psych knowledge to objectively try to help him thru this process, but it has been so draining.
It feels like nothing is going to change. I am dealing with the fact that the OM used me, or shall I rather say, I allowed the OM to use/manipulate me. I don't see any reason, except for my children, to pick up my head, get out of bed and start the day. I really just want to lay here and cry and cry.
I SO badly want to be happy again, to throw my head back and laugh till my tummy hurts. I miss my family and I am stuck in this house where I have to keep pretending that everything is okay and happy. I am tired of trying. nothing is going to change. How do I seperae myself from his pain and not allow myself to fall into this black hole?
Every hour it is a challenge for me but I have told myself I am going to start working on me. I am going to take care of myself and insist that my husband understand that I have needs too including having a happy and loving family. Start thinking about yourself. Take walks, read books and surround yourself by supportive people. Good friends don't need to know the details of your pain so don't feel like you have to hide your sadness. They just need to support you and give you the love you need. Sit down with your husband, discuss your goals in your marriage and decide on what steps you need to take to met those goals.
Hugs to you!
Thank you SO much for your advice. I really really wish all the members a peacefull, forgiving festive season
If my X H had tried, we would still be together and I would never have become and X OW, I would never have even looked at another man, but if I were still with my X, I would never have figured out the whole Submissive side of me!