Cheaters and Betrayeds Helping Each Other Community Group
This is a group where cheaters and betrayeds can come to try to help each other better understand infidelity from the perspective of the other side because understanding can often lead to healing. Members can ask each other questions, share experiences, and provide insights and opinions without judgments or animosity. If you have a chip on your shoulder, an axe to grind,...
Hi all, I am searching for some understanding or other views, my cs and the other bs are trying to reconcile, where I am not even near ready to speak to the other cs who was my bff, so how can they be ready? It's not even been 6 months since d-day. The reconciling is coming from the other bs, my cs is trying to do the right thing in being responsive. To me, now is not the time, we need to heal our marriage first before we can work on any outside relationships. Help me see the other side.
Since the other BS is initiating it, I don't see it as a problem as long as:
1. It isn't diverting him from focusing on rebuilding your relationship. The marriage comes first.
2. It isn't opening the door to renewed or continued contact with his CS.
3. There is an understanding that the friendship has changed and no one is expecting to return to the way things were before. Cheating has consequences, and one of them is the loss of open friendships in most cases where friends were involved. It changes the relationship just as it does the marriage relationship. Reconciling doesn't mean spending lots of time together like before.
4. It isn't placing upon you by the parties to reciprocate with his CS before you are ready to do so. This may be what frightens you most about it, that you will be expected to do the same or end up looking like the only one unable to forgive in this situation. Reality is everyone has their own journey to forgiveness. Maybe the other BS is ready to do that, but it doesn't or shouldn't mean you are expected to do the same before you are ready to do the same, assuming you ever get there.
If all the above is avoided, reconciling can happen alongside rebuilding. Could even aid in the rebuilding. Reconciling with the BS *could* mean more motivation not to reengage with the CS again, for fear of further damaging the relationship.