Cheaters and Betrayeds Helping Each Other Community Group
This is a group where cheaters and betrayeds can come to try to help each other better understand infidelity from the perspective of the other side because understanding can often lead to healing. Members can ask each other questions, share experiences, and provide insights and opinions without judgments or animosity. If you have a chip on your shoulder, an axe to grind,...
I had an affair about 8 months ago. Ive been married for 21 years. I saw this man for about 2 months met up with him 4 times. I met him online on a chat site. He was married too and we agreed to keep personal information next to none. We chatted for a bit on the site didnt exchange emails or phone numbers or even pictures. In the case that we were ever caught. We then decided to meet after talking for about 2 weeks. (yes i know definitely not a safe thing to do). We met and he took me to a hotel where we had sex. We did this 3 more times everytime we did was because my husband and I got into an arguement. The last time guilt set in so bad that I didnt go back to the site every since. I told my husband everything. I knew that i was taking the chance of losing him but I felt like i needed to tell him and let him make the decision. Its been about 5 months now and things have been rough but i expected it. We have been to one session of couples counseling and I have gone to individual therapy. He doesnt want to go back and refuses individual counseling. It is getting worst at home. He has turned to constantly degrading me and has been phyiscally abusive twice now. Each time telling me i deserve it... Hes even told the kids that their mommy is a whore. Did I mention that hes had 2 affairs before? I have cut all communication with this man and I am totally open with what happened with the affair. I feel the guilt of I did this to him. Am I wrong for wanted to stay in this marriage even if i ruined it? Please be honest...
I'm not sure how he thinks he can hold the moral high ground.
The marriage appears to have been ruined by his two affairs and your individual personal issues. I believe your affair was the straw that broke the camels back in terms of at least trying to maintain some semblance of a marriage.
For the safety of yourself and children this needs to stop or you need to physically separate from him. Continuing individual counseling and growth in your character even if he refuses to grow or seek help.
I wish you luck