I'm a little confused about your question..do you mean before the cheating or after dday? I would like to answer your question but not sure what your question is asking..
Thanks heard

After the cheating. Sorry about that

My H did some explaining. Still no excuse though because I was feeling the same even worse yet I didn't cheat. If you mean after d-day~

I think there are a lot of different reasons for that.
I think sometimes we, ourselves, don't understand it fully.....I think we don't know HOW to explain how we could have possibly destroyed the trust of someone we love most.
I think BS are often looking for a blanket, "I cheated because....." and there isn't always a blanket answer.
I know 4 months into therapy I am uncovering a multitude of things about myself that led me to this ..... For example, yesterday in therapy...somethings were uncovered, said, reflected on that I just SOBBED about the enormity of my actions. SOBBED. Recovery for everyone involved is a process, that is for sure.

CS here. I'm Nc now for almost a week. My W doesn't know. If she does learn about it, I don't know how to explain it. It seems like a cop out to say that it just happened. Someone had to take action to make it happen Why did i fall in love with a woman more than 25 years my junior? It sounds trite to respond by alluding to the mysteries of th heart. How do you explain chemistry? Or the potent mix of secrecy, fantasy, newness, etc. it all sounds so damned self indulgent. At the moment it's tough enough for me to come to grips with how it happened and to deal with the magnitude of the loss. I'm grateful that I don't have to discuss with with my W.

What's terrifying is that I can envision this happening again ,ideally with xAP, but really with anyone. For all the reasons above. At the moment I don thin I've ever been lonelier.

Hey Despair999~

Is there a way to put the same effort into your W that you did withxAP? When I found out about my H's A and started rebuilding, we realized we both felt the same way for a while. How absolutely dumb we couldn't or didn't communicate that!! I don't want an EA to happen again for you!! If and when your W finds out the pain you will see in her is going to hit you much deeper than anything you are experiencing now!

Heyjules, Sure there is, and even without the revelation of an EA we are trying a little harder to be nice to each other. For example, we've slept in separate rooms for a very long time. I started sleeping in her bed. Nothing physical has happened, and I strongly believe nothing will (cancer, surgery, menopause, body image, energy level), but it's a step in the right direction. But I don't ever see a return to the feelings we had when we were younger, nor do I see anything approaching my EA. I know what you and others are saying about what happens at d-day, but, and how's this for maturity, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Or burn that bridge. Or jump off the damn bridge. Who knows?

Awe sorry to hear. Maybe some counseling?

I've started ic, which even after 2 sessions has been revealing. I don't know about mc just yet. We've done it on the past but it's never been particularly satisfying.

My wife never really knows why.....