IMO the best thing you can do for everyone involved in this soap opera is to STAY OUT OF IT. Do NOT tell the wife. Trust me, she will NOT appreciate it and she probably won't believe you anyway. All you will do is alienate her.

If "the whole city knows about those 2" then chances are, the wife already knows or at least has an inkling. This is NONE of your business and nothing good can possibly come of you blowing the whistle.

I disagree with Kathi, I definately think you should tell, just like you said, you would want to know. Imagine the double betrayal of finding out your friend knew and didn't tell. And while the wife might very well be angry with you for telling her and want to ' shoot the messenger' in the long run she will realize you were her friend and acting in her interest.

How can he give her a promise ring if he is married? How can he promise her or should I say what promise? Is he going thru a divorce?? This is one way you can tell his wife, hey I didnt know you and so so are getting a divorce, as he gave my bbf a promise ring, you really wouldn't be coming right out and telling her, you just inquiring that you didnt know they were getting a divorce. Just my 2 cents, I think that would be how I would do it.

Tell. NO ONE deserves being made a fool of.
Do it anonymously.
I hope your GF understands the kind of man she is getting will do this to her too. She probably thikns she is different.

That's a delicate situation. If you're not comfortable telling her outright, doing it anonymously might work, but perhaps there's a way you could plant a seed of suspicion so that she could figure it out for herself. Does anyone else know that you know? You wouldn't want to be accused of keeping this from her. Are there any nonverbal signs or clues you could employ? Just a thought.

I also don't think of a betrayed spouse as a fool. Marriage is a contract where you agree to trust each other. Doing just that doesn't make you a fool; you're not psychic after all.

I don't think a bs is a fool but I can say as bs who discovered just how many people knew, I certainly felt like one. I felt such a deep sense of betrayal from a few key people (other than my husband). Knowing that these people came to my home, sat at my table, and considered me friend/ family, I was angry and foolish was one word that I used a lot. I know now that it was the hurt and betrayal of none of them taking the opportunity to tell me, even if it was through hints and clues.

Knowing that they made no effort and since dday have never come to me to say "I'm sorry I didn't, I should have, you had the right to know" has permanently changed my relationship with them. I don't feel a sense of loss because I am no longer concerned over their past choices but those choices did have a profound effect on the minimal current way I relate to these people. I've lost a great deal of respect. Since these people are in our family's lives I must have some relationship with them.

I have a similar dilemma and have been struggling with it for a while. So far I have opted against telling (I would have to be telling my friend that her husband is not only a cheater but a serial cheater and totally shameless). I believe she is in total denial as in she senses he is cheating but she pretends to herself that it is normal. She goes walking around and saying that you cannot expect men to have one partner (we were discussing Tiger Woods and Jude Law and she saw nothing wrong with it).
Additional problem for me is that I don't believe he would ever stop - he is totally remorse-less. He thinks it is his manly right.
It is not that they have open marriage. She is clearly suffering (though is very much in denial), takes a bunch of sleeping and anti-anxiety pills and she takes it on her 2 young daughters. They have a great home and great life. I am afraid he will not stop no matter what she does, and I am afraid that her denial comes from subconsiously feeling that she is not ready to handle the aftermath of a DDay.
:-(

One suggestion is that you talk to the husband and tell him you will tell his wife if he doesn't straighten up. You could have the same conversation with your BFF (but don't talk to them together!) This would have to be done very carefully, because it might backfire. But I think you should try other things before you contact the wife.

When I was a BS I learned that many of my friends knew about my H's affairs but didn't tell me. I felt betrayed by the friends, but then I realized just how difficult it would have been for them, because they were his friends too. Later, when I was the friend who had to decide whether to tell the spouse or not, I just couldn't do it. I think it's better to do it in an indirect way. Is there a clergyman who could help?

well UPDATE:

He left his wife after my bff (his gf) gave birth to their daughter, he filed for divorce and should be final in September 2014, they are now after just having their daughter (their daughter was 3.5 months ) they got pregnant again she's almost 3 months pregnant. I'm extremely jealous and pissed, I fought hard for my marriage and am still fighting for it and fought 7 long years to have my son and she can get knocked up by having him look at her. sick of it just sick of it.

Zoey,

Do not be jealous of these people. Get them out of your life.

You fought for 7 years to have your son. Do you really want your son to have a God father that gives another women a promise ring when married to another woman? Do you want him to have a God mother getting knocked up by a married man, and being willing to accept a promise ring?

You can do better than these people!

Get them behind you and make them a distant memory/

Surround yourself with people you can respect. This is not something to be jealous of. Its sad.