Caring Parents of Estranged Adult Children Community Group
We have given our lives to our children and they reject us. We still love them but this love is now frozen in time. How do we deal with the resulting chaos of our lives? We talk and we listen to one another as we cope with this loss and assault on our sensibilities. Respect in our thinking and language are a must.
How long will I be a victim of how my EC chooses to behave? Will it go on for the rest of my life? I choose not to be a victim any longer.
No, it doesn't mean I've stopped praying for my EC or stopped loving my EC or stopped caring for my EC. It just means that I am no longer choosing to be victimized by their choice as an adult to behave poorly towards me.
Instead, I choose to let my EC own their own behavior and I own mine. If they treat me poorly, I don't blame myself or try to excuse it. I don't run after and EC that doesn't want me in their life. I don't allow them to use me whenever they need something and if I choose to help them, I give what I want to give without expecting them to appreciate it or without thinking it will change them.
Instead, I live my life to the fullest! I set boundaries withy my EC. I don't allow them to mistreat me. I let them contact me if that's what they choose to do. I nourish myself. I care for myself. I protect myself. I applaud myself for being the wonderful parent that I was no matter what my EC may think and I don't give credence to false accusations and manipulations.
I live the life God has given me with joy everyday regardless of what my adult child chooses to do.
No, it doesn't mean I've stopped praying for my EC or stopped loving my EC or stopped caring for my EC. It just means that I am no longer choosing to be victimized by their choice as an adult to behave poorly towards me.
Instead, I choose to let my EC own their own behavior and I own mine. If they treat me poorly, I don't blame myself or try to excuse it. I don't run after and EC that doesn't want me in their life. I don't allow them to use me whenever they need something and if I choose to help them, I give what I want to give without expecting them to appreciate it or without thinking it will change them.
Instead, I live my life to the fullest! I set boundaries withy my EC. I don't allow them to mistreat me. I let them contact me if that's what they choose to do. I nourish myself. I care for myself. I protect myself. I applaud myself for being the wonderful parent that I was no matter what my EC may think and I don't give credence to false accusations and manipulations.
I live the life God has given me with joy everyday regardless of what my adult child chooses to do.
Meaning in my life is not dependent upon my ES. If we reconciled my life would be fuller but not necessarily more meaningful. Also, I never tried to claw my way back into his life. I made attempts to talk and reconcile but I put those to rest a long time ago. It is now up to him and my grands to decide whether they want to be part of our life or not.
I am constantly making every effort to keep moving on. Many new people have been placed in our lives and as my dh and I work to serve others (especially kids) estrangement is no longer in the forefront of our thoughts. We had a 14yr old girl here 2 weeks ago who said she now has a purpose in life.(coming to our modest home and rescue horses). She became attached to one of our horses who has been sick. Six months ago this beautiful, precious girl wanted to take her life. What if we continued focusing on ES and I continued to be consumed with estrangement and my own feelings and hadn't made the choice to move forward?