Realised in a couple of months I'll have been a CL for 13 years.

Over that time I've seen the start of the CL programme, the early days of comradery, the calls with Paul Aspland, the almost 24 hour response to requests for DS help and getting that request picked up and acted on in hours. CL judgement being trusted. The feeling that while things were not perfect we were all in it together, DS and CLs. Someone was listening, responding and taking action.

I've seen CLs burn out, the complete debacle of the DS revamp where the Cls were asked for feedback that was then completely ignored. DS promises made for more meetings broken. Promises for involving CLs more broken. Only for the same promises to be made when I kicked up, only for those promises to be broken again and again. Not able to find the time. Not able to find an hour to talk to the people who know the most about the community and it's members? Not able to find an hour for the people that have tried to keep members safe from scammers, pedophiles, sexual predators and psycopaths. Really? We were the ones on the front line dealing with members' crises, people who were genuinely suicidal. We were told by DS that we were "life savers" several times. If you really believed that, why did you treat us as you did?

It gives me no pleasure to say "we told you so"over the revamp. Bipolar was immediately affected by the change. About a third of our community were locked out of their accounts. Most gave up and have not returned assuming they ever could. The new format didn't work and the boards lost the "stickiness" required to keep the communities going. Fun fact, while I actually had studied how virtual communities worked and spent several years developing an understood of how they worked, something I lectured on internationally. No, they knew better.A bad design and botched implementation.

Now Bipolar has gone from seeing pages of new posts when I came on in the morning to seeing no new posts and perhaps just one reply. Most of the other boards are now dead. Fun fact 2, over the past 10 years I have developed high blood pressure, high cholesterol, migraines and macular degeneration - things I could do with support with as I try to change life habits, take on new meds, come to terms with failing eyesight - I looked that the DS boards for those, previously thriving, now all dead. I get the support I need on Facebook. 

What is amazing is that it seems ShareCare seems to have managed to promote DS so that some professionals are sending patients here, only to find dead boards.

I've never known a site where volunteers are kept at such a distance by staff, especially since some of us have been doing this for over a decade. Never I have known a situation where I felt my knowledge, judgement and insights were less trusted. Staff change, staff go off for a week or so and we are not even told. Staff changes are hidden because the DS replies are not signed. When they say that DS is an anonymous site and privacy is important I thought that was for the members, not the staff. 

Frankly the relationship with the staff borders on the pathological. If it was paid work I would have quit years ago.

On top of that DS failed a duty of care, when I recall the almost weekly serious suicide threats, death of members, being harressed both on and off DS by disgruntled and unbalanced members while DS did absolutely nothing hiding behind standard corporate scripts. It's a wonder why the CLs didn't all have to join the PTSD community.There was no acknowledgement that the CLs weren't "well balanced and healthy" bright young corporate employees to start with, but people who struggled daily with bipolar, depression, PTSD, widowhood etc. (Classic "wounded healers" - Jungian reference).

When anyone expressed discomfort the answer was "do you want to give up being a CL?"  There was a basic lack of understanding that to want to be a CL you needed to care about the community and it's members probably a bit too much for your own good. That's hard to switch off. There is a reason why therapists and counsellors have their own therapists and counsellors to deal with the mental battering they take in their work. Many of us felt trapped. Not supported but our consciences wouldn't allow us to walk.

Well there it is. I've said most of this before but just felt like saying it again. Obviously it still rankles. This time there will be even fewer CLs to read this. I wonder if DS will see it? I wonder if they will reply? Please no platitudes, no "you are life-savers". No mugs or t-shirts. I've no idea how DS could fix this, but then I've given up going that extra mile, helping DS fix the mess they created themselves through their actions or inactions.

But then I don’t think DS have any interest in fixing this, they’ve shown over and over again that they really don’t care about us as people.