C O M M U N I T Y L E A D E R S Community Group
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One thing I find to be the major stressor now for members in my group is that, against all common sense, they force themselves to go back for Christmas to the homes they were abused in. Pointing out the obvious doesn't deter them, they feel obligated anyway. Then they post about all of their anxiety symptoms it causes.
It's extreme. Some of these members just got out of the hospital for being suicidal about what these family members did to them. Yet now here they go back.
That's sad to watch when they have the right to draw boundaries. I guess they feel like they have to match some tv Christmas special idea of family rather than listen to their own feelings. I point out the obvious, that maybe it would be better not to go to those homes for the holidays, but it falls on deaf ears.
Any suggestions on how I might get through?
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
They will undermine it at every turn.... I personally often stay away from most of these posts now
If you give honest comments that should be helpful the member(s) get angry.... They don't want to hear it
I think substance abuse can also be a factor.... You can lead a horse to water as the saying goes.... People have to want to help themselves
Big hug.....xo
Even if you are a trained counsellor (I don't know if you are or not) you can't operate as one on DS - there isn't the support structure within DS, therapist supervision etc.
To attempt to take on that role to any degree isn't helpful for you and or the DS community at large.
I did a little counselling training myself, as well as being a life coach and was married at one time to a psychotherapist so I've seen this from several angles. Also made the mistake of trying to help people online myself.
Keep your boundaries and keep well. CLs aren't supposed to be the healers - we are here more or less just to meet and greet and deal with abuse.
There, though, hospital stays were short and my patients went away to be replaced by new ones. Here I have members who've been in my group for years and yet they still making this same mistake every year at Christmastime. It's harder to watch.
And I"m glad that everyone is reminding you that it's beyond your role. It's hard to know that someone is "venting" in the name of asking for "help", when all they really want is validation of their feelings.
SunCloud mentioned in another thread here that at DS PTSD members have taken to lightening things up a bit with music threads.
They even came up with one they called the "glitter sub," kind of an imaginary trip on something like the Beatles yellow submarine. It may sound dumb, but as CL there was no way I was going to sink it with sarcasm, I jumped on board.
Another thing members do is have a "screaming" thread once in a while. Since PTSD is, by definition, an anxiety disorder, folks just want to let it all out once in a while "screaming" in writing. Pretty effective.
So maybe we can't give advice, but sometimes we can help folks channel the overflow of their feelings. It helps me, too.
Year before last this person was admitted to the emergency room for suicidal thoughts more than once a month. They had now gone a record seven months without a suicidal ER admit, and I didn't see the point of putting that winning streak in jeopardy over a Christmas visit.
But they came back having had a heart to heart with a sibling who broke denial and validated the abuse that had been going on in the family for years. So that strengthened their resolve after all.
You never know. I still wouldn't have done it myself, but it's their choice, and sometimes they prove somebody like me wrong, like this one just did.