Brain Aneurysm Survivors Group Community Group
A group to comfort fellow brain aneurysm survivors. We seek to relieve the anxiety about what survivors think about their progress on the way back to full health, work, and so on.
My SAH was coiled on 13th August 2010. I spent a total of 3 weeks in 3 different hospitals during which time my wife was at my side always. I made an excellent recocery or so it seemed and was allowed home a week after the procedure. On my return home I was of coarse still very week and needed lookong after whiich my wife did brilliantly. I got stronger every day and started to go out and about for short periods with the help of my wife.
Now, 7 weeks after the procedure I am feeling extremely well and strong and able to do things myself, BUT, I was not prepared for all the emotions I am going through at present. Fear is the obvious one, guilt for recovering so quickly, sorrow and depression and worst of all anger. There have been 2 occasions over the last couple of weeks where I have verbaly lashed out at my wife in a rage over something extremely silly she might have said.
I am finding it very difficult to keep these feelings in check and wonder if anyone else has gone through this and how they dealt with it.
Now, 7 weeks after the procedure I am feeling extremely well and strong and able to do things myself, BUT, I was not prepared for all the emotions I am going through at present. Fear is the obvious one, guilt for recovering so quickly, sorrow and depression and worst of all anger. There have been 2 occasions over the last couple of weeks where I have verbaly lashed out at my wife in a rage over something extremely silly she might have said.
I am finding it very difficult to keep these feelings in check and wonder if anyone else has gone through this and how they dealt with it.
To tell you the truth, I believe when we face the sort of thing or things we have faced, we do have a tendency to get very impatient with what we consider to be trivial, silly things which other people think is so important. That being said, it is not fair for us to lash out either. Sigh...
My husband is very understanding and aware of the issue. That helps tremendously. I think knowing it is not him... it is me helps him deal with it as well.
I am noticing my impatience more in the classroom. Awareness helps me to keep it in check. It really does.
I am also strongly encouraging my husband to handle all business phone calls and such which involve problem-solving. I find I get extremely impatient if I get passed around from one person to another, I don't think the person is listening or they are reading from a script, a problem which was supposed to be resolved isn't and so forth.
Often times, there are "trigger points", things which will light the fuse and identifying them is helpful as well. It takes time...
I am noticing that your story is somewhat similar to mine. I went home 10 days after my rupture. I went back to work six weeks after my rupture and did not suffer any permanent brain damage. I have not experienced headaches and generally feel great. I do experience some anxiety at times. I'm nearly two and a half years out from chemo and radiation so I have that sort of anxiety to face as well. I do, thankfully, have some very good friends who have faced health challenges of their own. A support network of people is extremely helpful... and knowing you are not alone!
Somebody once told me that the blood and even the brain being exposed to air during surgery can alter the brain chemistry - at least temporarily. So, there is probably SOME physical element to it. However, what we went through is very traumatic and that also introduces a psychological factor
I also think there is a lot of pressure for us to feel like we should be happy all the time. After all, we cheated death. We're lucky to be alive.
I do think that the emotional roller coaster gets better over time, so hang in there. Maybe you should mention this to your doctor if the rage continues. You might need counseling and/or medication to help you through the adjustment.
My family doesn't understand my behavior, they think all the headaches, depression, sleeping disorders and fatigue are my invention that I do for calling attention. I am living with my sister and don't feel welcome. The good part is that I have savings so I am ok for about 6 months.
I did counseling in Brazil and that helped tremendously and I am on Lexapro but some days I just cry at night because there is nobody I can talk to. As you said most people think we are disrespectful to God because we should thank our blessing and be happy which I am but I have a roller coaster of emotions and its difficult to be understood.