Hey guys.

My name is Charlotte. Charlie for short please. I am a 35 year old female diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder about 11 years ago. While I have always had issues with anxiety, depression, and acceptance, it was not until years later that I met a psychiarist that after listening to only about half my usual "start from the beginning" shpeal, shook her head, lughed and said I unfortunately was one of those unfortunate misdiagnosed patients whether purposefully or by pure accidental coincidence. She explained for what seemed like minutes to me (it was almost 2 hours into the session) that she finally explained that I was one of the unfortunate people to suffer from one of the most cruel and unforgiving mental disorders known as BPD. Over the next few sessions she helped me understand all the questions, concerns, worries, fears, and misunderstandings I had had over the span of my life. She nailed everything before I ever said it or even sometimes thought it. All my life has been nothing but one struggle after another. I came to understand that this disorder is associated with past emotional and physical trauma in one form or another. It is also believed the way we were raised and brought up and how we were treated mentally, emotionally, and physically has a great deal to play here as well. Anyway, long overdrawn, longwinded and probably quite boring story short, I have been suffering with this bitch of a disorder for quite some time now and honestly I want nothing more in my life than to overcome it, grow out of it, or grow beyond it and learn to push it aside and continue on with a healthy emotional and mental life. I just want to be happy, especially in my current situation and life change. I should be happy. But I feel more miserable, alone, forgotten, worthless, useless, resented, and unwanted than I have in a very long time. I would give anything for a real friend and a mate that truly valued and loved me instead of someone he just settled with because he doe not want to be alone. I want to go back to work again and contribute to the household and prove I can do the whole adulting thing and I can be responsible and independent. More to myself than anyone else I think.