Borderline Personality Disorder Community Group
Support for those suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. Originally thought...
So..... first let me say my intention is not at all to offend anyone or to seem uncompassionate. I believe my sister-in-law has BPD and I was wondering if anyone on the other side of the illness has any tips. I have tried to be like a sister to her and would keep getting snubbed and devalued and pushed away by her to where I had to stop because it got to where it hurt too much.
My brother and his wife have been married for 11 years so there is lot of bad history between me at this point to where I am pretty much done trying. I think she has BDP because I constantly see her devalue and have often seen her rage. I try not to label her but my aunt who has a PHD in psychology also thinks she has BPD.
I was her maid of honor at the wedding and then shortly after the wedding she and I are in the their apartment alone (the only time I can remember her letting me in when she was alone) and we were looking at pictures of the wedding and she says "You know I didn't have to make you my maid of honor." I don't know how much it is tied to the BPD but she is not a nice person.
My dad and I would stop by their house and if my brother wasn't there, and sometimes when he was, they would stand in the doorway and not let us in. This is after my father let her live in his house for a few months before they got their own place. They moved into a new house several years ago and besides the day we helped them move they have only had me over once. My step-mother and step-sisters have never even seen the house.
They were about 22 when the started dating and about 26 when they got married. Up until their wedding she would say she wanted kids and then the day of their wedding as we are in the dressing room getting ready for the ceremony she says, "I have already told him don't even bring having kids up until we're 30." They are 36 now and don't have any kids.
She does well in school..... (she is very intelligent which can make it all the more painful).... but has never had a job until few months ago.
She has every right not to like me, but it's wrong that she has put a wall between my brother and his family. I am extremely resentful of her selfish and destructive behavior that come from her jealousies and insecurities. It bothers me that she has caused my brother to kind of cut ties and angry about how she has hurt me and father. I know it may not be completely conscious but she is still responsible for her own actions.
She borders on emotionally and psychologically abusive at times. Everything she does seems to be out of trying control and manipulate. I honestly don't understand her most of the time.
I can't sit down with her and talk things out because while she may be aware of what she is doing she doesn't seem to really see it or even understand it herself.... if that makes any sense.
Well.... thanks for reading.
First of all, your post hurt me but did not exactly offend me. You're obviously putting in some effort here. You're trying to figure it out. Maybe it's just concern for your brother and maybe you're here out of sheer frustration. BPD is tough and you wouldn't be the first to abandon even your brother. And you haven't done that. If I any of my post offends you, ask me to rephrase - because chances are that there was some miscommunication.
What you've described does sound an awful lot like borderline personality disorder. But based just on what you posted there are a few diagnoses that could fit. Neither one of us can make that diagnosis, but for the moment we'll assume you're right.
Sorry if I go a bit long here. This is the first time I've talked about any of this with someone other than my hubby.
I'm sorry. I'm going to have to stop here. I think what I have to say may have some value, so I'll try to get back here. But writing this is forcing me to think about how bad this is for others. And that hurts more than you possibly know.