Borderline Personality Disorder Community Group
A place to go for comfort and advice for people with Borderline Personality Disorder.
Hi, I don't know where to start here. I was abused as a child from the age of 6 until I was 9 and never told anyone. I continued to live but what is living really? I had a child and became engrosed with drugs to combat feelings and weight issues. I lost my daughter to the system for a short time and during this time I had to start therapy, OMG what a god send. The more I spilled, which is not normal, the more they wrote. I was diagnosed with BPD, CPTSD, Depression, Anxiety, OCD, and slip in a bit of dissociation and that is me. I have never felt like I was living my life. I always felt I was living the life of this stranger or actually strangers. I always changed who/what I was depending on the people surrounding me. I put many masks on in my day and I was wondering if anyone else has felt ths way? I know I am rambling but it feels good to put this all out there and not have to see a persons reaction to my crazy f*cked up mind exploding. I am so confused. I feel like therapy is working but then I doubt myself and I feel like sometimes I am just playing another role. The role of the crazy girl who gets better when in reality I am still the f*cked up person I have always been. I also feel like sometimes that no one can relate but I know intellectually that isn't true. I am really intellectual about my issues and "know" what is right and wrong but to feel those things is A WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY. Well that's enough for now. HOWDY everyone and blah.
Colleen31
I feel the extact same way, i have a tough time dealing with myself, i always feel like i am not living or i am just kinda of floating through life, i was diganosed with bpd a few years back, but i havent been able to get any help with it, because of a lack of medical insurance which deftinelty sucks, i have been in a realtionship for a few years now with a guy that is diganosed with bi-polar disorder i sometimes feel like i have to push my issues aside to deal with his, so the past few years have been hard, but it does help to talk things out with someone who understands and wont tell just get over it, or really doesnt help much. everyday i feel like i am not really here, like maybe one day i will just wake up and it will be over and i will " normal" i dont really have a true sense of self, i know i am not a bad person, but i know i am no t the best, i tend to space out and just not think and just do and that always gets me into trouble or yelled at. i try to keep to myself i have had friends before but i always feel disconnected after awhile, its always me that finds something wrong and leaves the friendship, well anyways if you need someone to talk to or rant too i am here
deleted_user
i feel the same, feel like im alive but not living! and cant quite place what im suposed to do or be in life its confusing! i feel like im alone in this even with group therapy its hard to see how anyone else can understand at times ! so your not alone in how you think! x
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