Hi. I just joined group today, but I've been recovering for a while. I wish I'd listened to my doctor 12 years ago, gone to a drug treatment program inpatient and applied myself to learning Dialectical Behavioral Therapy then, because my life got much, much worse as I couldn't cope with stress. My emotional pain actually caused bad physical pain and illnesses. Uncontrolled stress can kill us. I lost finances, family, career, sanity and almost my life to suicide last year. I survived, went inpatient to residential treatment and am slowly getting my life back, emotional calmness, depression has lifted, and I'm taking it one day at a time. I can honestly say I was happy and content today. Life isn't perfect, but neither is anyone elses.
Still have the BPD, and last year I started treatment (therapy + meds) for Complex PTSD. I'm taking DBT again in group and individual therapies. Found out my family are my biggest emotionally upsetting triggers, so it's good they aren't around right now until I get a lot stronger. I'm finding people like me for who I am today, and i like me a bit now. Trying to surround myself with ones who validate me and believe in me, and there are a few out there. A doctor told me my BPD is a coping skill I learned in childhood to deal with my abusive family GONE WILD. There was no way I could have walked out of it not screwed up. I can accept that as a fact today, and accept myself. I'm slowly forgiving myself for being sick, developing self-compassion and my self-image is better. M even starting to understand and forgive my family, something I thought would never happen in this lifetime. I'm okay, more than okay. My emotional thinking is decreasing, and i didn't hurt me or anybody else this week yet! I found out last year that everybody pretty much has had bad life experiences and traumatic events happen that shake their core. The hospital staff befriended me and loved me back to life. I can sit with anxiety and sadness, because I know in a few hours I'll feel totally different. If I checked out on my life I would have missed the fun and joy I've had over the last month. I tried to get better in the past, but my BPD and PTSD symptoms only got wilder and worsened until I stopped the opiate pills. Several doctors told me that I couldn't feel better until I stopped sedating and numbing my painfully intense feelings away. I had to feel the transient pain before I could feel the excitement, peace and joyful moments. The more I learn and practice regulating my emotions and distracting myself when anxiety sets in by computer games and music on my MP3, the better my relationships with new people are developing, even when I am stressed. . . .doctors told my family several years ago I had a bad prognosis, but every day now I'm proving them wrong. If I can do DBT and move on, I know you can too. I am being treated for Depression and Anxiety, too, and am a recovering Bulemic. Reading online comments by others with my diagnoses helps a lot. We are 2 of many, many others who share our feelings, and a lot of us are getting better. I dissociated much of my life away, and that's what I had to do to survive, but I'm learning it's safe to stay present. I'm detaching emotionally as well as physically from the people who damaged me in childhood so I can recover. I read BPD Demystified and Surviving A Borderline Parent last month, and am understanding my father was sick, and he modelled some really sick behaviors and beliefs and i learned them from him. But with new knowledge and understanding I am unlearning them, retaping over unhealthy coping/thoughts with healthier ones I'm learning through DBT. DBT can be learned online in multiple sites. Give yourself a break, you are going to get through this like so many others. Check out Michael Weisz's site--i really came to understand myself through his simple explanations. So many professional people have BPD too, are getting their lives back and reaching out online and through books to help the rest of us heal. I cringe when I think about the life I tried to throw away, the joy I've had since. I'm finally starting feel ALIVE for the first time! I will NEVER make that mistake again. Your feeling are yours and they are real, but do they really always match the big picture of what is going on in your environment? I know mine don't. I've learned to check with a someone I trust who knows my situation whenever I feel anything moderatately to very intense to see if the situation really matches my emotion before I take action. (It's keeping me out of trouble and from making a fool of myself yet one more time.)

idk where to start i was in alot of toxic situations my parents fought alot growing up i got married young to an abusive woman went thru about 7 dead end awful relatiinships til i found my gf i have now ended up losing a really really good job before i met her ive been under constant stress from family in the past and sometimes still here n there i was misdiagnosed for 16 years because i am whats called a quiet bpd never fully discussed with a doctor how i felt i supressed all emotion for the last 6 years because of a toxic marriage constant stress and pain from that crap til finally one night after drinking heavy i opened up to some friends which a month later determined my diagnosis of bpd mdd and gad im up and down alot very emotional at times and it sucks i felt like i had to pretend to keep it together for everyone around me because inside I felt so crazy unwanted unloved like i was a monster I still feel like who could handle all this or even want to ?