body image for women Community Group
This group is for women of all ages who benefit from support from other women to promote positive thinking about body image and who deal with the depression and anxiety associated with having a negative body image. Those who struggle with body image can benefit greatly through being reminded that we live in a patriarchal society filled with sexism, warped values and...
I don't know what to really say. Maybe ill just type and somethng will come out. maybe alot of rambling, maybe not. I don't know where to begin. I'm Meg. I'm 24 and currently 267 pounds. i'm 5'7. Recently, i've become OBSESSED with losing weight. When i was 13, i was put in a hospital for 3 days for not eating for nearly a month. i was obsessed with my weight and needed to lose it no matter the cost. because grandma always said "no one likes the fat friend" , "no one will ever love you" and with recently losing nearly all my friends, those thoughts are coming back and my body image is totally warped. My fiance helps me quite a bit and we talk and i feel better for a moment, a day or two, but then those thoughts come back. i avoid mirrors at all cost now because im afraid to see myself. I take showers in the dark because i don't want to see myself. I have sex with my fiance in the dark because i don't want to see my fat when im on top riding him trying to kiss him. I cover up after showers now and make sure i always have clothes on where as before i walked around naked, but that was before eating food and weight loss became my obsession once again. My fiance doesn't understand that when i look in the mirror i don't see a 268 pound girl, i see a 600 pound girl. no matter how small im getting i see myself bigger. I've lost 3 pounds in a week but not the healthy way... According to my app im supposed to be eating 2,700 calories a day. I get by with 500 maybe 900 at most. I get hungry at first, but then i get use to it. I don't eat breakfeast and i figurd if i dont need breakfeast, i dont need lunch. It became a project for me, to see how long i can go with only cosuming this many calories...but then not eating consumed my mind. Calorie counting consumed my mind. I don't care that i don't have any friends, all i care about is making it through another day with only consuming this many calories. If i say the right things and act the right way it means they cured me and i can move on and do my thing. You know, im not really sure why my fiance loves me, i dont even like me.
I'm writing this post not for attention, but positivity. I have a son and 2 step daughters to live for and i kno what im doing is wrong but i seriously cannot stop this obsession. I'm lost and it kills me. being able to write this is a huge deal for me. any words of wisdom will help.
My fiance is mean to me if I say I'm fat and want to lose weight or get healthier. He doesn't like for me to workout or have friends. He obviously likes fat girls and he is a feeder. He is mad when I don't drink alcohol either.
My mom is also really mean to me about my weight. She always tells me my legs are ugly and that I stand funny and can't wear cute or nice things because it looks silly on big girls. She thinks I should just wear plain things. She also makes fun of me for wearing glasses and Hayes my hair.
What we have is called body dysmorphic disorder. You have an eating disorder. I currently follow a nutrition coach on YouTube and follow a meal plan. Losing weight is very hard for me. I used to be thinner but my ex cheated on me even when I was at my best, so I thought why bother trying to be skinny and happy.
I look at skinny girls and am so jealous. I see how happy and carefree they are. To look like them I have to slave in the gym and count every calorie. No treats. It sucks.
Idk if I can ever be happy with my body or go swimming and do normal things and get positive attention.