Before and after divorce...Recovery steps Community Group
Support for people going thru the process of divorce and the recovery steps taken to achieve wholeness again.
I am feeling so lost. I left my husband about 6 weeks go. At first I just wanted some space and time for both of us to think about things. But he just kept pushing for answers. "What's going on? When are you coming home? What are you thinking?" So, we finally have the conversation in which we both decide divorce is the next step. We have several conversations about logistics, finances, custody. We agree to how the bills are going to be split until papers can be filed (he wants to print papers from the internet and file ourselves because we don't have the money for a lawyer). Then not 4 days later he says that agreement is not going to work for him. I am so afraid I am going to screwed. I am lost and don't know what to do. I have tried to find lawyers that give free consultations or a service that offers mediation instead of having to pay for 2 lawyers. But I am having no luck. I feel like he is toying with me. I can't take the mood swings and yo-yoing.
I've been dealing with that for 2 1/2 years. More so in the last 2 months - so I COMPLETELY understand. Add kids and guilt and you have a mess. He now wants full custody, which he will never get because there's no reason for us to not have joint custody when I was supporting HIM and the kids for the last 5 years (he's finally paying his own bills now that I moved out and got my own place because he wouldn't move out of the marital home). We were supposed to be the rock star divorced co-parenting couple....then he snapped and now is holding on so tight that I feel I'll never be free until the kids finally realize they don't want to be part of this mess and tell us both to piss off.
My mental health and well being come first, so that I can then care for my kids with solid employment so they have a home to live in and clothes on their back. I am close to finding out how to scrape together the money for a lawyer if this goes on another few months because clearly I need someone to help me legally when he is trying to bully and scare me to stay married to me.
But the yo-yoing is something that I totally relate to. And the stbx is bipolar so mood swings are never far. "i love you; you're a terrible mother; you're an a$$hole; i don't want to hurt you; i want to finish what we started; you are destroying our family" are some of the phrases in a half hour convo/rant/rage....
Anyway, I hope that things have gotten better for you!!