I am not looking to be judged even though I'm sure it will happen. I have been married for 13yrs. However throughout the entire relationship I have had unfaithful moments (not a constant thing, more when I feel lonely due to a lack of affection). She came from an abusive (physically & emotionally( relationship. For the first couple years we dated I had to not only deal with the affects her ex had on her, but also that he was still in her life (she still had feelings for him and talked to him often). I probably took a good 6 years before she finally realized the jerk he really was. Through this I was denying what I believed was important to me in a relationship (affection on all levels-phisically & emotionally) and trying to be her savior. The more she tried to break up with me because I was too good for her the more I tried to save her. In the end we got married, however I think it was more because of saving rather than being in love with her.

As the relationship went on there was less physical affection (not just sex but just simple signs of affection). This was something I told myself was not that important, however found me missing it more and more. This resulted in an affair that she found out about which was 9 years ago and we stayed together, again more out of trying to raise our child. I was always there to take care of her and help when ever need (as a husband should), however I was feeling more and more alone. My wife will still say she is only together until the kids are older, or make off handed comments about divorce. Our physical relationship is nearly obsolete. We enjoy going out and doing things with the kids, however it is an affectionless relationship (sure kisses and hugs and maybe sex a handful of time in a year).I am also the main person doing the wok in the house. Half the time she can't be bothered to help clean ,do laundry, get the kids showered and in bed. that is also a burden.

A few years back I reconnected with a girl that I had always felt an amazing chemistry with, but things never seemed to work out. We again lost touch as I decided to focus on my marriage with 3 kids rather than end it to try for my own happiness. This was about 4 years ago. We have now gotten in touch again. She is in a similar boat with 3 kids and a marriage that does not work (was mainly out of necessity than love). I am now seriously considering the divorce. This is someone that I am in love with and can see myself being happy. My wife has said numerous times that she is unhappy. It doesn't seem fair that we should continue to be unhappy together for the sake of the kids. I find myself yelling at the kids more when I am angry with my wife. She always seems to find the reasons to yell at me or blame me for any little thing. Do I still care about her, Yes. I just don't see us getting back to a place that I can imagine with this other woman.

So I guess the question is do I continue to deny happiness for the sake of the kids or finally take the first step so she can also find happiness.