BDSM Support Community Group
A group for those in D/s relationships, whether 24/7 or strictly casual. Also welcome are those not in relationships but craving that type of intimacy.
Hey all,
My boyfriend of 5 years just recently told me that he likes to be dominated sexually. Normally I am a very submissive woman sexually, I am usually the one who likes to be treated roughly etc. so I am having problems mentally getting into the role of a dominant. At first I was completely lost and I wasn't into it because it seemed like it was totally against everything I had been taught as a woman, I felt like I HAD to be the submissive one. But after I tried it out a few times and saw how much my BF enjoys it I feel like I could get into it. My only problem is that I am completely new at this, and I have NO idea what to say while dominating, and when I asked my BF is too shy to tell me what he wants, only that "what you were saying and doing was perfect".
Basically I was telling him which positions to get into and telling him to beg for more and say thank you, but I need more material and I am not sure what submissive men like to be told? Which kinds of name calling are off-limits, (for most men)? Specifically, how do you talk dirty to a sub man and what kinds of things do they like to be done to them/made do? My boyfriend is a sensitive guy even if he won't admit it, and he has low self-esteem so I don't want to say something during sex that he may take seriously and may hurt his feelings because I know he was raised in a super macho man kind of family and some of the things we are doing make him think I may look at him different or think he's gay, (which I know he's not and I have no probs with gay men), so I know I need to kind of tip-toe around what kind of words I use. PLEASE HELP ME GUYS, I LOVE MAKING HIM HAPPY BUT I'M SCARED TO MESS IT UP!!
My boyfriend of 5 years just recently told me that he likes to be dominated sexually. Normally I am a very submissive woman sexually, I am usually the one who likes to be treated roughly etc. so I am having problems mentally getting into the role of a dominant. At first I was completely lost and I wasn't into it because it seemed like it was totally against everything I had been taught as a woman, I felt like I HAD to be the submissive one. But after I tried it out a few times and saw how much my BF enjoys it I feel like I could get into it. My only problem is that I am completely new at this, and I have NO idea what to say while dominating, and when I asked my BF is too shy to tell me what he wants, only that "what you were saying and doing was perfect".
Basically I was telling him which positions to get into and telling him to beg for more and say thank you, but I need more material and I am not sure what submissive men like to be told? Which kinds of name calling are off-limits, (for most men)? Specifically, how do you talk dirty to a sub man and what kinds of things do they like to be done to them/made do? My boyfriend is a sensitive guy even if he won't admit it, and he has low self-esteem so I don't want to say something during sex that he may take seriously and may hurt his feelings because I know he was raised in a super macho man kind of family and some of the things we are doing make him think I may look at him different or think he's gay, (which I know he's not and I have no probs with gay men), so I know I need to kind of tip-toe around what kind of words I use. PLEASE HELP ME GUYS, I LOVE MAKING HIM HAPPY BUT I'M SCARED TO MESS IT UP!!
Communication in all types of relationships is essential and especially so in this type of relationship. He needs to put his shyness away, openly talk to each other about everything, know what boundaries there are and make sure there is a "safe word" established in case he ever needs to use it and if he uses it, it needs to be respected and whatever activity is going on needs to be stopped immediately. Communication should never be shut down between a Dom and a sub, talk beforehand to establish boundaries (both subs and Doms have boundaries), a safe word, what you would each like to try. During activities, as a Dom you're responsible to make sure he's doing ok, you need to check with him, if there are restraints being used you need to check that they didn't tighten up where they could cause injury or cut off circulation (always have a quick escape for restraints), he is responsible for letting you know if something is wrong with him. Afterwards, especially in the beginning of this type relationship until you both know each other's likes/dislikes, what's ok and not ok and even after you both know each other well, you still need to check in with each other and talk about how the scene made you each feel, what you each liked and didn't like about it, what changes if any you want to make, etc.
I can't stress enough how important being able to openly communicate with each other is.