Avoidant Personality Disorder Community Group
A group for those suffering from Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD)
I was just reading back through older posts and really *feeling* the pain and isolation so many of us feel every day. I remember when I first joined the group and the running joke was that the group even exists, since it is a classic example of one of the things we try hard to avoid. "The group we join and then avoid." :)
The last post was over a year ago, but I'm hoping someone is still out there wanting to reach out in this small, (relatively) safe way. I'm really struggling right now. I feel like I need help. We have truly exceptional psychiatric services in my community, so I went to their web site to see what's involved in getting help. I was devastated to find that the only way to contact them is by telephone. I have a MASSIVE aversion to the phone and don't even own one. How am I supposed to contact them when the only way to do so virtually eliminates folks with AvPD from reaching out?
I'd say, "What are you so afraid of," but the answer is I'm afraid of getting more of the same crap I've gotten for decades now each time I've trusted enough to reach out for help. My first psychiatrist sexually assaulted me. My next therapist acted like everything I said was so shocking and horrifying, she could only respond with tears and "Oh my God!" (Not helpful, Ma'am.)
There were many more attempts, including a clergyman who reduced me to a speechless, trembling mass and then raped me. The last try at therapy (womens shelter), it seemed like every single session was stopped so they could exercise their "duty to report" the things I was revealing. It wasn't long before I felt like they weren't even pretending to try to listen to me for the purpose of helping ME, but only to hear the unspeakable details so they could make yet another report and make sure the perpetrator did hard time. It felt like I was their own private E Entertainment News.
So here I am. I need help. I'm terrified to reach out. I have no trust or faith in psych professionals left in me. I want to try this place, but CANNOT use the phone to call them. Is anyone out there? Does anyone understand? Does anyone have any advice or even a kind word?
The last post was over a year ago, but I'm hoping someone is still out there wanting to reach out in this small, (relatively) safe way. I'm really struggling right now. I feel like I need help. We have truly exceptional psychiatric services in my community, so I went to their web site to see what's involved in getting help. I was devastated to find that the only way to contact them is by telephone. I have a MASSIVE aversion to the phone and don't even own one. How am I supposed to contact them when the only way to do so virtually eliminates folks with AvPD from reaching out?
I'd say, "What are you so afraid of," but the answer is I'm afraid of getting more of the same crap I've gotten for decades now each time I've trusted enough to reach out for help. My first psychiatrist sexually assaulted me. My next therapist acted like everything I said was so shocking and horrifying, she could only respond with tears and "Oh my God!" (Not helpful, Ma'am.)
There were many more attempts, including a clergyman who reduced me to a speechless, trembling mass and then raped me. The last try at therapy (womens shelter), it seemed like every single session was stopped so they could exercise their "duty to report" the things I was revealing. It wasn't long before I felt like they weren't even pretending to try to listen to me for the purpose of helping ME, but only to hear the unspeakable details so they could make yet another report and make sure the perpetrator did hard time. It felt like I was their own private E Entertainment News.
So here I am. I need help. I'm terrified to reach out. I have no trust or faith in psych professionals left in me. I want to try this place, but CANNOT use the phone to call them. Is anyone out there? Does anyone understand? Does anyone have any advice or even a kind word?
Im actually highly functioning having this and dont have any problem talking on the phone or online at all. Its just in person my fear acts up.
Anyway i just wanted you to know that even though this is an extremely late reply im here if you ever get this and want to talk to somebody who can relate.
About therapy.....if you are a woman don't reach for a male therapist. It might add insecurities and misunderstanding. Always try a woman therapist. In my case dealing with women and especially women group makes me struggle. I just can't. Trust no woman in the world. But. If you focus on getting the help you need and fight against that terrifying feeling that she thinks you're ridiculous, you can slowly slowly start to talk about it on therapy. If you have horrible things to tell, start with the small details that indicates your trouble....it might help on the way you communicate your pain. About the phone thing. You can: send an email explaining your case, or ask someone to call it for you and set your appointment. Hope it helps....