attachment disorder in adults Community Group
A place for adults with attachment disorder to talk about experiences, past and present, how it affects their daily lives, and give the support they can to others.
Hello. My name's Aelita. I haven't actually been diagnosed with an attachment disorder, but it was pointed out to me by a friend that I have one, and after looking into it...I realized she's probably right. I believe it's avoidant attachment disorder that I have. Maybe someone here can confirm or deny whether my experiences sound like that's what it is or not.
Let's start with my parents...I know I must have had an attachment to them at some point. I don't know what happened or when it disappeared or why...but now I really don't have any more attachment to them than I do anyone else. I haven't even told them I love them in several years, if I've ever said it at all...I'm honestly not sure. I feel really uncomfortable telling people 'I love you'...I feel uncomfortable showing affection in general, really. The only reason I've forced myself to get used to these things in romantic relationships is because it's a bit of a requirement if you don't want the other person to leave. My grandmother used to just hold me in front of her and stare at me with an expectant smile after telling me she loved me until I'd say it back. She eventually stopped, so I'm guessing my parents pulled her aside and pointed out that she was making me really uncomfortable and not to force me to say it if I didn't want to...which I appreciate them doing.
In relationships...I've always been a emotionally detached, sort of like I was just going through the motions of the relationship, particularly when affection or intimacy were involved. When just talking or playing games or hanging out, I could connect fine. It was usually when empathy or affection was involved when I was emotionally detached. On top of that, when relationships ended...it never really bothered me much. I've always gotten over relationships fast. Hell, I switched boyfriends in a span of 5 minutes once. This actually caused some problems with my last breakup, as my ex got rather confused and upset over my lack of a reaction to the break up. We'd been together for 6 1/2 years, and he didn't understand how I could possibly act like none of that happened and just move on so quickly...The fact that I got a girlfriend 2 days after we broke up didn't help (In my defense though, the breakup had been inevitable for a month prior as we were discussing it. I had plenty of time to accept it and move on, and this relationship was the first one I cried over losing...even if it was only for a short while.) I didn't know much about attachment disorders at this time or that I may have one, but I did at least know something was off with how I relate to people (I'd known for a while), and I simply tried to explain to him that I don't feel emotions the same way he does and that I reacted the only way I knew how.
On another note, I've never really had much of a reaction to death either...I don't know if that has anything to do with attachment disorder or not, but it makes sense in my mind. If I don't form emotional attachments, then it would make sense that I may not really react to someone I know dying...Does that sound logical at all? Just a random thought.
Let's start with my parents...I know I must have had an attachment to them at some point. I don't know what happened or when it disappeared or why...but now I really don't have any more attachment to them than I do anyone else. I haven't even told them I love them in several years, if I've ever said it at all...I'm honestly not sure. I feel really uncomfortable telling people 'I love you'...I feel uncomfortable showing affection in general, really. The only reason I've forced myself to get used to these things in romantic relationships is because it's a bit of a requirement if you don't want the other person to leave. My grandmother used to just hold me in front of her and stare at me with an expectant smile after telling me she loved me until I'd say it back. She eventually stopped, so I'm guessing my parents pulled her aside and pointed out that she was making me really uncomfortable and not to force me to say it if I didn't want to...which I appreciate them doing.
In relationships...I've always been a emotionally detached, sort of like I was just going through the motions of the relationship, particularly when affection or intimacy were involved. When just talking or playing games or hanging out, I could connect fine. It was usually when empathy or affection was involved when I was emotionally detached. On top of that, when relationships ended...it never really bothered me much. I've always gotten over relationships fast. Hell, I switched boyfriends in a span of 5 minutes once. This actually caused some problems with my last breakup, as my ex got rather confused and upset over my lack of a reaction to the break up. We'd been together for 6 1/2 years, and he didn't understand how I could possibly act like none of that happened and just move on so quickly...The fact that I got a girlfriend 2 days after we broke up didn't help (In my defense though, the breakup had been inevitable for a month prior as we were discussing it. I had plenty of time to accept it and move on, and this relationship was the first one I cried over losing...even if it was only for a short while.) I didn't know much about attachment disorders at this time or that I may have one, but I did at least know something was off with how I relate to people (I'd known for a while), and I simply tried to explain to him that I don't feel emotions the same way he does and that I reacted the only way I knew how.
On another note, I've never really had much of a reaction to death either...I don't know if that has anything to do with attachment disorder or not, but it makes sense in my mind. If I don't form emotional attachments, then it would make sense that I may not really react to someone I know dying...Does that sound logical at all? Just a random thought.
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