Around the bonfire Community Group
Off topic group for those who like talking to others here, but don't always want to talk about infidelity.
Tough few days ahead.
All of you know how much I love to laugh. It's my coping mechanism.
Help me out peeps.
All of you know how much I love to laugh. It's my coping mechanism.
Help me out peeps.
TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records
Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners:
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
Subject: PUNS FOR EDUCATED MINDS
Puns for Educated Minds
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
This is a little goofy, but it made me giggle...it happened at work yesterday...
This kind of dishevled guy comes in, late 40's maybe, and orders food. All of a sudden he blurts out "I know what women want!" and the gal working with me looks kind of puzzled so I said "ok, enlighten us." He says "Security. They want security." I asked how he came to this revelation. He smiles and says "well, that's what they were yelling at me in the mall"
Mim your joke was cute. I sent it to my dad. He loves that stuff.
Does anyone read David Sedaris? He's so funny! I highly recommend Me Talk Pretty One Day. It's the funniest book I have ever read, and it's short stories so it's perfect for a busy mom (except you won't want to put it down!) He is gay, openly, and talks about it in his writing. So if you're a homophobe it might not be right for you, but that's your loss. He's freakin' hilarious!!!