My husband had primary physical custody of his children before he married me. The NPD with ASPD tendencies ex had left while 2 months pregnant with the youngest, more than 2 years before my husband ever met me. She had long since remarried. Once I came into the picture, she took the kids, refused my husband visitation.....the normal parental alienation thing.  But it took us several years to realize that's what it was, years after he had no contact, after the courts failed him and we were financially devastated. 

It has been 10 years since any of his children have been in our home for a visit and the youngest is coming in a couple of days. He has been only allowed very short visitation with some of the kids, only in public places and if I am not there, in the last 10 years....maybe 4 times. There is no point in going into all the ugly details of the progression of the parental alienation.  But here is what's related to my problem and I am hoping to find some support from people who may understand, and especially those who may have ptsd from their experiences or those who were falsely accused of sexual abuse.

We learned years into this journey that the ex had spent years, even while married, trying to poison the kids and community against my husband. Years of accusing him of abuse that people ignored because they knew she was mentally unstable.  When he married me, I became the target of accusations.  I was accused of child abuse. When my husband's parents realized that the ex was going to keep the children from them, in exchange for access to the kids, they cut off all ties with my husband, convinced his entire family not to have contact with him, and sent a declaration to the court that I was a child abuser. They told him they would do this in order to keep the children in their life...and they did it. And said they would do everything to keep the children from him in order to have a relationship with my husband's children. They would whisk the kids away on my husband's weekends and other scheduled visitation. To this day his family will not have contact with him.  When my husband kept fighting for visitation after she was given custody, the accusations against me became worse, culminating in the older children being used/groomed to accuse me of molesting the youngest. My husband allowed the ex to take them out of state in order to keep them from formally accusing me. We know that if he didn't, I would have gone to jail for something I didn't do. 

What is so crazy is that the same people who ignored the ex's accusations against my husband were all too willing to side with her when the accusations were turned to me. I have received death threats, been stalked and harassed, and even been spied on. The ex took delight in letting us know she knew the intimate details of my daily life, things only my friends would know. To this day, I have no idea which of her flying monkeys became friends with me in order to spy on me and help her undermine my husband's relationship with his kids.  

Any positive experience between my husband and his children, with me there, quickly escalates into an all out war.  I was planning on being gone during this upcoming visit. It's better to be gone and he be allowed to see his kids, you know? But I had a recent accident and am bedridden. I know that I suffer ptsd from all that happened, I've gotten counseling for it, but the upcoming visit, the first in 10 years has me so stressed out.  

I just wish that I didn't feel like I was the only person who has ever experienced something this horrific.