Hello. I've just joined this group today, and I haven't really ever done these things before, but I'm starting to think it will help. I've struggled a lot in my life with being overwhelmed, felt different, and wondered why people didn't feel things as strongly or passionately as I did. As a result, I've struggled with depression and very high anxiety. I only recently discovered the possibility that I may be a Highly Sensitive Person. It has opened my eyes to a lot of things and I am starting to be able to judge my strong reactions to things with a much more open mind.
However, in the middle of this huge self discovery, I've begun experiencing problems at work. I recently tried to come off anxiety meds, and I was in a car accident, not to mention December was a very busy month full of hectic choices at work and at home. This is all so much for me, and yet to others, I appear to be overreacting. It's been very frustration to me, trying to live in a world so big and loud with people that just don't see it as a scary place, the way I do. That frustration and anxiety, brought about by my being overwhelmed and unable to take time to process things the way I need to, has lead to a poor performance at work. Unfortunately, I am a manager of a small business and I need to be the example. I need to be in charge and manage effective. I do not own the business, but the owner and I have a strong working relationship.
As a result of my (what everyone determines to be) overreaction to stressful situations, my relationships at work have been suffering, including the relationship I have with my business owner. I feel that very soon I may need to leave or may be asked to leave.
I often do things that other people understand. I take days off more than other people would think a manager should. I retreat from confrontation and avoid it. Lately rather than avoiding it, I seem to be very prone to it. I have confrontations regularly with my staff and with my business owner, and with my husband at home, that I would normally avoid, but all of the issues I am having with them seem to get pushed to the surface and I can't seem to regain any control over my emotional reactions.
I am beginning to see that sensitivity and anxiety do not mix. It is a blessing when I can just be HSP in a calm environment. When I can be alone and take in all my thoughts and process them, but at work I can't seem to get things to slow down no matter how hard I try.
Last night I had a client tell me I was unsuitable to manage a business and should consider resignation. One of my employees confronted me about unprofessional behavior and another told me I should step down. I tried to resign but I my boss wouldn't let me. All I do is cry now. Every day I end up crying. I don't even wear makeup anymore. It just ends up getting messed up.
I don't want to go to work anymore. The people are all angry and concerned there and I can feel all of it all the time. As an empathy, all of their emotions are taking over mine and I have so many of them already that I can't even step aside and let things happen in private anymore. I just explode. Like I'm a pop can constantly being shook and all it takes in one person raising their voice to open it and I explode all over the place. Everything my coworkers say about me is true and valid and short of quitting my job, I don't know what else to do.
I've been in therapy. My therapist agreed that in my normal condition, I am an HSP. But currently I seem to be suffering severe anxiety due to my work environment, my car accident, and a crucial point in my life (late 20s) where I am adjusting to adulthood and real life adult problems that I have never encountered before. He feels that being HSP, anxiety has been harder on me than other people. I'm taking some meds but they haven't kicked in yet and honestly I am an earth-based spiritualist and do not like my sensitivity being compromised by meds because it closes my mind to the gifts that sensitivity gives me, like emotional and spiritual insight. But it's my final option so I have to take them. I'm just waiting for them to work. Is there anybody else that is highly sensitive and suffering from an anxiety disorder at the same time? Do you take meds? DO you have nay suggestions about what I should do at work.
I don't really have any options outside of this job. It was my dream job and a miracle for me to get it given that interviews are very intense for me emotionally. I have a very hard time being scrutinized and it is only because my boss is so easy going and likes me so much that I got this job. It's a blessing to have a boss so willing to overlook these things and right them off as situational, but when is enough just simply enough? If he won't let me go, when do I determine that I am a danger to the company's success.
I realize that a lot of this is sensitivity related and not every anxious person is HSP, so I'm posting it both here and on a HSP board too. But if there is any one else that seems to suffer from both sensitivity and anxiety and knows what I can do to help this situation, I would love some insight and maybe a friend I can talk to. It's very hard for me to find friends with this going on. I would just really appreciate someone to talk to who understood what was going on with me and wasn't getting paid to listen.