ALL MOODY BLUES Community Group
This group is for all people, no matter what disease, disorder, or life issue that causes you moody times and needs a little support or wants to give support. Be yourself, have fun meeting new people that care and understand you. RULES- show respect, no extra drama, no bashing, keep personal info confidential , and don't give advice [ if asked ok] . problems or...
I've been thinking a lot about it, it troubles me because it's not a mental illness. I see it as a defect in my charactor but I'm not really sure if it or not
Just to describe how it's affected me I'm now 50 just turned last month. I'm still single have no kids because I just could not make anything work. I've been engaged twice but in the end I drove them away because of it , they just couldn't take the weirdness that came with it and I don't blame them. Or i become paranoid and try to control everything they do.
I really don't mean to but it starts out really subtle ans then gets worse. Don't get me wrong I'm not the kink of guy that would ever hit a women, the two relationships that broke up tore my heart out but in the end I let go and moved on hoping something else would come along, but it never did.
I try not to be hard on myself but sometimes like right now it's just all in my face and I'm stuck in it, and in the end I have to admit that its really my fault. I started out with bad wiring to begin with and combine that with a home life that was indifferent at best and for some reason I just developed these traits, ans of all the things I go through this one troubles me most. From the time I was in high school I really just wanted. a family, a wife kids a small house, but it's too late for that now. My familly not even my brother that I'm really close to knows about it, It's the dirty little secret that I keep from everyone.
I wonder if anyone else has struggled with something like this.
Just to describe how it's affected me I'm now 50 just turned last month. I'm still single have no kids because I just could not make anything work. I've been engaged twice but in the end I drove them away because of it , they just couldn't take the weirdness that came with it and I don't blame them. Or i become paranoid and try to control everything they do.
I really don't mean to but it starts out really subtle ans then gets worse. Don't get me wrong I'm not the kink of guy that would ever hit a women, the two relationships that broke up tore my heart out but in the end I let go and moved on hoping something else would come along, but it never did.
I try not to be hard on myself but sometimes like right now it's just all in my face and I'm stuck in it, and in the end I have to admit that its really my fault. I started out with bad wiring to begin with and combine that with a home life that was indifferent at best and for some reason I just developed these traits, ans of all the things I go through this one troubles me most. From the time I was in high school I really just wanted. a family, a wife kids a small house, but it's too late for that now. My familly not even my brother that I'm really close to knows about it, It's the dirty little secret that I keep from everyone.
I wonder if anyone else has struggled with something like this.
Please don't create even more negative feelings for yourself by feeling guilt. Replace the guilt with something positive that you enjoy.
Maintaining romantic relationships is difficult with our illnesses. I have pushed many people away, also. My current boyfriend, of 3 years, is understanding. He doesn't understand my problems, but he tries to be supportive. That is they type of woman you need to find, and it takes awhile.
Christopher22, it's never too late to dream, sometimes the dream may have to be modified. Keeping a relationship healthy is tough enough without having any kind of personality disorder. Be strong, love yourself, and it's OK not to have a significant other as long as you don't let that run and ruin your life.
The symptoms you describe are ones some of us can relate to I'm sure. Insecurities, anxiety anything really can bring on feelings of unworthiness, perfectionist (even though we're far from it), being too hard on ourselves, and paranoia all escalate and lead to other feelings or actions such as controlling behavior, obsessiveness or escalated feelings of depression. Sometimes these things are triggered by a chronic physical illness, sometimes phycological, or events that scar us.
The truth of the matter is, you have lead your life hoping for the best. If it didn't work out the way you hoped or imagined, you are still here. You have survived :) and that in itself is worthy of a cheer! :-D
You seem like a very decent human being... although what you want is deserved, sometimes it wasn't possible by exterior factors. But just remember, you do deserve it, and you deserve to make the best of the life that you HAVE made for yourself. You mentioned before you were looking at getting a new job... that's something to be thankful for, you have the ability and physical well being to still work. You mentioned you drive... it's a blessing to have the ability to do this. Do you see? You aren't as bad off as you think you are. :)
My family and I are currently going through a bit of a rough patch...but my husband always reminds me our daughter is healthy...we're both healthy to be able to take care of her and work... we're not that bad off. We have much to be thankful for and at times like this focusing on what we do have, instead of what we wish we had only makes going through this that much easier.
I wish you the best, and offer my support if you ever need to vent :)