You can Sean, you can look forward to getting out of the hole we call depression... why? because you have done it again and again. It is possible. It's hard when you're faced with a new part of your life and it comes during a struggle. But know that you will find the strength and that all your hard work will not be in vain.
We work hard at something we think we want, and along the way we forget why we chose to take on the challenge. Try and remember who and why you've decided to study, why you one day said "I can better my situation by taking on this challenge". Your past choices, careers, accomplishments and defeats don't define who you are... they are just a chapter in your life, one of which you can change to reflect the type of life you believe is worthy of you.
Stay strong Sean, this too will pass. I myself had an anxiety attach last night, one of which I shut my husband out of. This was thank God a temporary laps in judgment because as soon as I confided in him I was able to listen and gain control once again.
IT IS possible Sean, you know because just a few months ago you were experiencing the great feeling of being back in the gym, being back to the you you've always been. He's just hiding again, but mark my words a wind of relief will be yours again and will help sail you in the right direction. Just take your time when you're preforming your tasks, don't allow the situation to overwhelm you as it's harder to deal with during a state of panic. You deserve a break from studying from confusing questions you're currently burdened with... just like you took the stressful situation at the gym and went home to distress with a game ... you deserve a break from that voice that keeps on beating down on the situation instead of helping. Confide in your parter, in us, in anything or anyone that brings relief to your struggling thoughts and then get back to it.

Good luck with what ever you decide, we are after all here for you. Rant, vent away Sean, it will bring strength to your voice.

God bless

WOW that brought alot of tears to my eyes and it makes perfect sense and i like it very much thank you for commenting, Im just not in my right place today and thinking about some very bad things atm ugghhh i just wanna go back so badly but cant and it seems that i will never be the man that i was before or even close to being him at all and that just tears me apart inside and manifests itself on the outside.

We are never the same people as we were yesterday or 10 years ago for that matter. Day to day life challenges (I like to call them adventures) mold us and change us as days go on. It's kind of funny when you look back in the past and capture the moments that made you who you are today...and in the future, you will look back at today and see how today molded you into who you have become. Hard to look ahead, yes I know--I have a hard time with that too. However, after working within the same organization for 13 years, I have become someone very well known in my area...I never really seen it coming, just one day it hit me. I was very challenged just over a year ago when my position was eliminated...I am still with the same organization, but doing something completely different than what I was accustomed to doing. Amazing I have done so well...YOU WILL TOO! Trust God. Step back and "listen" to what he says. The right path will be laid out in front of you--just when you least expect it. At that time, it will all come together. I found that hard to believe too, then I seen it happen...it is/was truly amazing!!!

Hugs to you Sean!

Sean heres one for you if you went back to who you was before and say we sat beside each other I dont think you would bother talking to me..I bet now all that youve been through and we say sat next to each other we would laugh and joke and chat..you would bother more the old sean probably was amazing but the new Sean hes far better ..

I know, and it takes time to get back to being in a great state of mind... to feel like you again. I only want to remind you that when all this passes, that happiness of feeling like you again will waiting.... that YOU that gets buried and springs back to life again. You have to allow this time to pass, but knowing what's waiting for you on the other side sometimes helps me. Fuerza Sean! It means Power to you. This burden will be lifted from you, just stay positive and know it cannot consume you as long as that Sean is buried within.
God bless buddy ((Hugs))

I just......want me back.....idk what to do i am so alone and scared of this feeling because it never goes away it just comes back worse than it was last time each and every time that i relapse back into it. I dont have anyone to confide in that understands me and im starting to get further and further away from myself again and i HATE IT, Right now my stomach is in knots just thinking about being here all day long while feeling like this....i hate my job and i hate myself for who i am now....I am a fragile person both inside and out that CANNOT deal with life right now, By my definition i am WEAK both mentally and physically and i just want the strong me BACK!!!!!

Sometimes I feel lost and alone and I don't know which way to go. When that happens I do a repetitive, inane task like running, knitting, organizing my closet, painting the walls, or I chant a nonsense phrase in my head. I do this for at least one hour. I also turn to the comedy channel or SpongeBob Squarepants. The thing is we have to try, we have to keep moving forward.

Ok.....im starting to feel a little more up thx guys i appreciate all the words. I watched a little family guy on youtube so maybe you guys will like it to idk.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Rn68PxJ2Ik

P.s. dont pay attention to the music playing before and after the clip.