i'm here for you. if you need to talk, let me know. hope you start feeling better. top4aces

Hey Sean... no offense intended, but as a by stander. ... Your not totally wrong... but storming out made a small incident bigger. Anger management aint easy, especially when it appears some one is just yanking your chain to get a response. I dont know you or your wife... but maybe she is worried about money matters and was afraid you were placing your job in jeopardy? The night before say Hon, I can sleep in a bit tomorrow, I'm not due to work until 9 instead of 8. That would defuse the situation before it happens.

Thx for the advice Wag but she knows how my department works as to our schedule i mean and she knew that i was one hour over schedule and that when that happens we can do what we need to to use that hour up as long as our workload permits it as it does on sunday mornings as we have NOTHING to do until atleast 9:30 and i live right around the corner from work basically. It just seems that nowadays anything that i do annoys her and she just holds it in until she explodes like she has recently.

Sometimes, people love each other but do not bring out each other's best, or even each other's good. Right now, sounds like you and your wife are in such a spot, maybe? It's hard to heal from things when you're still right there nex tto the person who caused some of the hurting. I know. DH & I, great as we are now, had to separate for over 6 months to get through our stuff. Couldn't do it in the same place, kept thigns too raw. That's why I'm wondering if that's where you are at, maybe? Just an idea. Hope things improve.

I hear ya Leo and hell we may be in such a spot.....o.Last night i went ut and got her a dozen roses and a card to explain how much i love her and made the bed up nice then set them both together on her pillow and when she found them all i got was a little smile and a faint thx baby, Then NOTHING else said in response ....NOTHING AT ALL, What the hell is that supposed to tell me?

What were you hoping for? You are both in emotional turmoil and hurting. At least she acknowledged your efforts and said thank you. Your expectations for her behavior may be part of the problem at this point. Your wife may be feeling the same way, expecting you to respond more positively when she does something to try to make things better or smooth things out. It could also be that you are so angry with her, yourself, and your situation that you lead with your anger and so does she. Maybe she is trying to act as if there is nothing wrong and although she may have been trying to "make a joke" or funny comment she still upset you. Maybe she is using passive aggression to push your buttons.

Leo is right, sometimes distance does make things better. You can stop the daily bickering and pushing each others buttons. You can each work on your personal issues and spend time working on your relationship with one another. You both have to want the relationship to work out and you both need to have the same goals for a successful relationship. Maybe you are also good at pushing her buttons and she does not know how to respond except through denial, humor, and passive aggression.

Sounds like you have had a lot of good advice from people on this website. I have read some of the threads and you appear to be sincere in your feelings for your wife and your relationship. You are to be commended for working so hard to stay in the relationship. It is easy to walk away. It is harder to stay and keep that raw emotion out there for someone to pour salt into the wound.

You said on another thread that she did not want to go for marriage counseling. You cannot fix the relationship by yourself. You can work on your personal issues but you cannot make someone else work on the problems you think they have that are hindering your relationship. I hope you find some solution and continue to work on making changes in your life that will bring you the peace of mind that you deserve. We all deserve to be loved and many of us are unable to accept love. We may not know how to express our feelings in a way that the person we care for is able to accept and understand. We may find that although we love one another we cannot be in a relationship. I wish you all the best.
Good luck and God bless,
Marcia

You are probably at a point where you need to ask your wife if she wants to work on the relationship. It doesn't matter if you are making all the right moves when someone else is not at that same place.

You can't change your wife but you can change how u react to it. Best thing to do is just ignore it. Let it bounce right off of you. Sticks and stones in other words. Pretend you didn't even hear it and continue to go about your business. If she say something about you ignoring her verbal abuse, just tell her that when she can say something respectful to you, you will listen. Untill then, you will tune her out.

Believe me, you will feel so much better if you do. Change takes practice but after awhile it will become second nature to you.

Good luck!

I dont know if i should even continue fighting for something that seems long lost.......Last night i asked her if we were ok now and she said " i think so, Until you do your 360 and act the same way as you always do " So in other words shes already expecting me to fail and to let our marriage in itself fail.

sometimes people do expect the worst things to happen in any situation. Honesty is good, but too much honesty can be painful. I tell many of my friends that just because you have a thought in your head does not mean you have to say it out loud. When I do say something that is inappropriate I tell myself that my "out loud voice" is operating. Learning when to say what is on your mind and when to keep those thoughts to yourself (and even to change the thought patterns) is not an easy task. Learning how to change your responses to the behaviors/words of another is also important. Good luck to you.

It just feels like ive been fighting for her for the last ten years or so now and im getting so tired......Some people say that this perhaps is where my depression truly stims from and im starting to believe it myself. I dont know if i should allow myself to care anymore,I mean hell after a reaction like that to something that took alot of effort on my part to even do itself really takes a toll on me. Yes it was only a card and flowers but it takes alot out of me to do stuff like that and i did it. But i guess it just doesnt matter anymore....I guess i dont matter anymore.

by reading these responces and yours included it seems to me that your "Love language" is words of comformation... Find the book "The five love languages" it is soo right on then after you read it share it with her.