ALL MOODY BLUES Community Group
This group is for all people, no matter what disease, disorder, or life issue that causes you moody times and needs a little support or wants to give support. Be yourself, have fun meeting new people that care and understand you. RULES- show respect, no extra drama, no bashing, keep personal info confidential , and don't give advice [ if asked ok] . problems or...
So since last week when my step dad went back to work on the road ( he's a trucker ) My mom has been really positive toward me again but he came back home last night because he fell on ice or something in a parking lot and messed his shoulder up ( supposedly ) and now its like NOBODY wants to talk to me except my brother and i only think he does that because he has to work with me now......im to the point to where i cant sleep again and only do so when i just pass out in bed while worrying about all the bullshit in my life currently......I hate this shit, Everyone asks why i dont talk about it but as soon as i do they literally turn around and walk away from me just like my wife did for 12 years.....I feel like i dont belong here ( earth ) i feel like my place is somewhere else but i dont know where it is that i belong and its horrible, I have this terrible longing for what i love most in this world but can never visit again and its tearing me apart...I cant even concentrate on everyday shit because of how everyone acts around me. I know im rambling but i dont know what else to do. I miss my dogs so fucking bad.....They were like my children and i hope they remember me but i doubt they will since i can never go back there again
I'm sorry things are still rough on you, and I know dogs ARE children so losing them (even in a divorce proceeding, without custody arrangements) can leave a big empty hole inside a person.
I notice that you mention you are working...that's a really good step. Is this the type of job that will help you move up and out of your parent's house?
I'm looking back through some of your posts, and you are just spinning in crisis circles. The thing is, you are the only one who can stop the spinning.
You have had so many unfair things happen to you, you have every right to be angry. Right now may not be the time to let go of that anger, and if that's the case, then you may need to take some active steps despite your anger to improve your life.
It's sad, but very few people, and it often seems like family, often desert us when we need them the most..they ask what's wrong, and then when the reality sets in, they don't want anything to do with us..but you do have people here that are listening, and responding to you and your situation.
When to let go of your anger at your ex, your family, the world..all of that is up to you, however you will stay stuck spinning in circles if you don't take steps to make your situation better...maybe it's going to therapy, maybe it's looking for a studio apartment, maybe it's taking a laptop to a book store and having some coffee and being out of your house and around other people some night...I don't know what steps you are ready to take, or when you will be able to make that first step.
What I do know is no one else is going to make your situation better for you...your family's not helping you get any kind of therapy, or encouraging you to find a new place to live, your ex is manipulative, and it seems your brother is just sort of neutral.
So, it's up to you Sean...what you will do, despite all the wrongs.
Your in a tough spot, and I feel for you...I've had to step out of the swamp and force myself to take action when I was furious, depressed and felt like a victim of my circumstances, and it sucked, but in the end it was worth it...
So think about it friend...
Anna
I pray you will find the peace, love and strength to endure you seek. You'd be surprised where it can be found, it's probably where you've had a nagging suspicion of where it is, just afraid to explore it. God is knocking at your door. He hears your pain, he hears your want, he wants that for you too. Believe me when I tell you, sometimes we only seek him at our lowest point... don't let that happen.. don't let it get so bad that he's your last resort. Seek him in conversation, let him in your heart, ask him to take all the pain away and he will...he's just waiting for you to ask so he can validate your trust in him.
I will continue to keep you in my prayers. Sending you much love.
A lot of people get angry at God, when bad things happen to them...you are certainly not alone in that. It's hard to picture a god that would let us feel so badly or let things like war, homelessness, and abuse happen.
Please don't be offended when I say this, but when reading your posts, they are all very similar in nature, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that...you have been through a horrible time. Your anger is justified and your living situation is super stressful. One thing that's not mentioned in your messages, and perhaps I just miss it, is what if anything you are trying to do to get to a better place-physically or mentally.
I'm wondering if you are ready to change your current circumstances or do you need more time where you are at right now?
You are very justified in feeling you have been dealt a bad hand, but even so, unfair as it is, the world around us never changes...your stepfather isn't going to snap out of being a jerk, your ex wife is not going to stop being a liar, and everything you went through after that horrific day at work is not going to disappear.
It's not fair because you have been a victim in a lot of this, But unfortunately, it's still you who has to make adjustments in order for you life to get better.
Thee are plenty of people here with good ideas about how you can kick start a life with fewer aggravations in it...you family, less contact with your ex, etc...
When your ready, we are all here and behind you 100%....this group supports you and only you, not your parents, not your brother, just YOU.
Take care,
Anna
I understand. And I agree with all of the great replies that Anna has been posting. I can second that, we are all here for you 100%.
Personally I didn't receive help from God when I asked either... a lot of people can affirm to that. In my situation it was in the WAY I was willing to do it that finally helped. I wont bore you with the details as you're probably not interested or in the right place to hear it... but if it's something you ever want to explore again, I am here for you.
Continuing to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Rosa
This is definitely not a "Pick yourself up by your bootstraps" kind of discussion or forum by any means. If it were that easy, none of us would be here :)
Let's take a look at what you said...
"I want to get on with life, but I don't where to even start"
OK...that's where we start.
We break things down into tiny pieces.
It doesn't matter where you start. You just have to start.
I'm going to make a list of starting points that would work for me...they may not work for you...maybe you can think of some of your own..
OK so for me, getting on with my life I might start by:
1. Getting a psych doc/meds/ and or therapy
2. Getting an SSDI attorney
3. Applying for food stamps
4 applying for public housing
5 checking to see if there are apartments for rent I can afford
Now I could never do anything on that list all in one day, so I would just do one thing, and that would be all I could handle.
Now the next part of your message...
Your job isn't stable, and nobody likes you...
What to do about that?
You seem pretty likable to me, but if you think you could lose your job b/c of this you have 2 options
1. you can look for a new job...maybe you'll find a better one?
2. keep your head down and work 2x as hard as everyone else...if somehow you didn't make the best impression, and you need this job your best bet is to be civil to your co-workers, always appear to be working to your bosses...never chatting or goofing around like other employees might do...get lost in the work..maybe it's mindless and tedious, but sometimes mindless and tedious is good, so polite, and striictly business will likely keep you on the payroll.
"All I do is worry myself sick"
You are worrying yourself sick b/c you are taking no control over your own life, It's as if you are just waiting for everything to happen to you, rather than you choosing what you are going to make happen. When you start taking action, this anxiety will fade.
"Attitude from my Stepdad"
We may never know why your stepfather can be so jerky to you. We do know that he isn't that nice to you, and none of us here likes to see you being treated unkindly.
Does it matter if he thinks your job is pitiful? Absolutely not. If your job pays your bills, that's all that matters.
The best way to reduce stress from your stepfather is to get away from him.
If you are not ready to do that, then every time he says something stupid, just say "I'm sorry you feel that way" repeat it over and over.
Don't bother engaging him, don't bother defending yourself, the man is just trying to get a rise out of you. So if he says your job sucks, just say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and go back to eating your toast or whatever it was you were doing...
Have you ever worked for a business, been an assistant mgr or mgr for a company?
You want to treat your life right now like a business and not like a game.
Pick a place to start, and imagine you are preparing a power point presentation on how you are going to make step #1 happen, and then go do it.
We are all, here on your side Sean...we're just waiting on you to take the 1st step. We know you can get through this.
You have not bitched too much at all...you have been venting, and there is a big difference!
What you have here is a group of people who want you to be less unhappy.
We all want you to NOT be mistreated by your step dad, and not be at a job where you feel disliked...
You are a good guy Sean, and all of us here know that.
We want good things for you.
I apologize to you. I took things just too far and came across as nagging.
You are an intelligent person. When you are ready, you know what needs to be done for you to move forward.
Please keep using this forum to vent and express yourself.
That's what its here for, and know that we support you 100%
It's our only concern.
:)
You know, you are one of my favorite people to talk to because my situation was so similar to yours a few years ago, and I really feel for you, and I think you are intelligent and capable, and I know when your are ready. you are gonna break the hell out of where you are, and start to build your own life, with your own place and your own friends.
Maybe, I might suggest re-framing your thought pattern just a little bit...Anger is a very powerful emotion and as said many times you have a lot to be angry, fed up, sick of in your life, and you can use that anger like fuel to motivate you...but always remember there is a time and place for anger, and remember to put it aside when you can...even if it's just for 5 minutes when a song you like comes on the radio...See, anger really can help you get out of bad situations, but you don't want to forget that you know how to like stuff too, because you will start to like things again as you change your life...so when little things you like happen, put the anger aside for a few moments...you can always pick it back up.
As for the hate, hatred is also a pretty normal way to feel toward people who have wronged you, but I might re-think letting hatred be your salvation...How about you being your own salvation? I mean it's you who's going to be doing the work anyway, so why not take the credit? As for the hatred, maybe keep and "I hate" notebook where you can write down every single thing you hate from, IDK, bumble bees to your stepfather...get the hate outside you, but let you be the one who saves you.
You are more than capable of being your own savior right now....I have no doubts about this.