Dear Sean,

Everything that you've expressed is 100% valid. I'm so sorry you've gone through this and I hope you feel better and are able to shake these feelings soon. I can see how all of these feelings would escalate to the point of not being able to think about anything but. I send you my support and want to let you know that everyone has their own paths in life, and I hold out to the possibility every time that your tale is one that can still be turned around, and can inspire others because you will have gone to hell and back. I want to send you words of encouragement to stay strong, because you're an awesome person that deserves to be better in spite of all you've been through.

Stay strong my friend.

Hey Sean,

Given the situation, your trust being violated, lies being told, anger is a natural reaction, but I'm thinking you don't want the anger escalating into violent thoughts, but that's pretty common too...abuse victims are often encouraged to "'Change the ending" which sometimes involves a violent act against their abuser...and of course one does not act on the violent thoughts...

When can you be confident that you've paid your debt and be ok? I don't think life is a series of checks and balances...you don't write a check out to life for your mistakes, and then your cool...

I think you get to be OK when you let yourself be OK, and that (this is the sucky part) takes as long as it takes.

There are ways of de-stressing so you can get some moments of relief as you go through this, but I think that would be a whole other thread...

Sean, you are a good guy and you have a lot on your mind...your ex, problems with your living situation, work, your truck, etc...there is just a whole lot on your plate...that's a lot to deal with...

Let the people here help the best they can...
It doesn't feel like it but time does pass, and nothing ever stays the same.
You have been doing really well handling things...

Anna

I have played the scene in my head waiting for the phone call when a family member tells me you have died..to this person who does the call ..I have rehearsed my words of what I want to say..from my mouth could spill some nasty stuff of how I nearly lost everythig..the pain..some of the things I had to do..I was so angry..it was needed..angry at myself for believing that you cared..then anger at myself for being fooled..I should of seen youre pattern of destruction..you did it once before..my days are a little calmer..although the thoughts come back sometimes when unexpected..it sets me off again..people say I should forgive..let it go..I find that hard to do because what you did to me..I would never have done to you..I want the peace to move on because all Im doing is becoming a mirror image of you..my last words I said was could you look in the mirror..at least I can..I still can but if I carry the anger ..the pain..the hatred looking back will be you..Im not you..I dont want to be that person who causes destruction..I want to see the people who were real give them the respect ..the people who really care..R..I..P. rage..anger..Im turning into peace now..Ive spend my time with the scenerios going on in my head..Im wasting my life..not living..Im laying all the ones who have done things to me to oneside now..shaun I wish you well..hope in time like myself you can also..also know youe not alone in youre feelings of what someone has done..