Sweetie, I was ignored and used by others around me. But I finally decided that I have a right to live ,my life and decided to find people in my life who will build me up not tear me down.

You do not deserve to be hurt in any way, shape or form no matter what. You deserve to be loved, cherished and respected. Keeping secrets only creates new ones to the point it will eat away at your dignity and the person that you truly are. I grew up with abuse in the home where I had no voice and was never listened to. But now I am able to stand up for myself and find people in my life who accept me for me and who will no longer hurt me. Please know that you no longer have to hide behind the shadows and protect him whether he is an elder or not. What he had done to you does not justify his actions. You are worth caring about.

hi tedybear973..going back a few weeks I felt probably how you are feeling..for myself I have a conditon its not nice sort of different thing but I relate to what you are saying ..I got to a point of being tired of hiding it..trying to live a normal life..Im fighting so hard.I had some other things thrown at me..it got to much...I started to what I call loose reasoning. . I came on DS .Im glad I did I came across someone a total stranger..yet we talked and laughed .for myself it felt so nice it took me out of my world of responsibilities..This person let me be me they couldnt change some of the things Im going through only I can do that .but it helped its hard hiding thngs it gets to you...Ive been on DS four years and this group has some really wonderful members on..I havent been in thi group long but you can tell they care..

I dont know your friend but is she the sort who may feel upset by you not getting back to her..I had someone blast at me..they thought they had done something wrong..another one got really worried as I was acting out of character..given a lecture.I said H is for Im happy..I got back H is for honesty if you are not ok then dont say you are..

I have found someone of DS to talk to and we chat a lot, but sometimes he ignores me. I know that it probably has nothing to do with me, but I have no self esteem left. As far as my husbands secrets, the pastor knows and he is the one that told me if I were to make it public, my husband might do something drastic to himself.

biggest hugs ever..Ive got the t.shirt on low self esteem ..mines bizzare ..its down to my conditon it took alot from me ..it takes things from you slowly ..I looked in the mirror and what looked back was this empty shell..I knew I was in trouble and had to get someone to believe me..lucky someone did and Ive had to rebuild so much back..as I was rebuilding myself and still am because someone knocks you without meaning usually you find there will be someone but its there own insecurities/jealousys/pain..but more were saying nice things so I kept what they said pushed the bad ones away..Im glad you have had someone to talk to..but its nice to find one or two others..I have someone on here they come on..disappear and appear and they say where have you been..LOL you nut Ive been here where have you been they crack me up..

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you.But Lady of beauty said it beautifuly.Please do yourself a favor,do not hold yourself responsable for others actions!If the person is your husband,mom,adult child,no matter what position they hold or who they are.

Hi teddybear! U have to find someone to talk to either here on DS or maybe you could find someone through a religious organisation since you're a Christian...I have a lot of family secrets to keep too but fortunately it's my family of origin and I don't have to live with them...they always said I had to keep quiet else my father might do something to himself. But you have a responsibility to yourself too teddybear, so try to find a way to deal with your own pain too...without ruining your husband's life. I wish you so much good luck!

Welcome teddybear! I am so sorry to hear how rough things are for you. In all honesty, there are many people who have a "church face" that leads everyone to believe everything is OK with you, while the truth is a whole different story. Is there anyone you can talk to? Perhaps a Christian counselor, not from your church? You shouldn't have to shoulder all the responsibility of preserving your husband's image if it is only a fake shell. That being said, I don't want you to get hurt (verbally or physically) if the truth were to come out. But you are worth so much more than what your husband evidently thinks. Everyone here has given you good advise. I pray that the people who are causing you this anguish will be convicted by God, and seek help for themselves, and that the abusive behavior stops.

Teadybear it sounds like your husband has already done something DRASTIC to you and you are left carying his burden.

You cant change your husband, and it sounds like you cant live with his lies and secrets.

Teadybear you can change you, and how you live, and who you live with.

Until then you will have a hard time living with yourself.( I would have prefered not to have said that)(((((((((HUGS)))))))

Welcome!
It sounds like you've a lot on your plate trying to help others i.e. your husband and in the process neglected yourself. If you'd like someone to talk to I'm here.. remember you can get yourself out of any situation you don't feel is worthy of you.

Good luck in your journey and welcome. I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say we're here and will be happy to support you in your healing

Thank you everyone. Rosebud, I do have a lot on my plate right now. I feel guilty if I say no to anyone though. Tonight, my husband and boys went to a race and I was looking forward to a night to myself. My step daughter (who is 23) came and wanted to go to dinner. I could not say no so I spent my one night to myself, with her and my grand daughter who I babysit 4 days a week. I love them, but really wanted some me time.