So ive known about the other wrestling promotion that the other guys from my wrestling days have been doing but yesterday i find out that there is yet another show they are booked to work and that doesnt bug me but i guess they have all requested that i not be invited to watch or participate or even informed of the existence of such a show, Everyone is talking behind my back and even arguing with me about not thinking about anyone but myself over the past year.......Do i not have the right to rehab my back after giving it to the sport that i love with all of my heart and soul? I was feeling so good and then this hits me, I have always been a HUGE loner but i THOUGHT i had atleast found a few people that understood how passionately i feel for wrestling but now i dont know....this ....could be the final kicker. I seriously dont know how to deal with this one-Everyone are saying things that would never had been said if i didnt hurt my back or even get the surgery to correct the problem with it. I dont have any friends and barely have any family and i just dont know where to go. This past three days was so hard but i fought it off and then i hear all of this and its hard enough to deal with the fact that i cant wrestle anymore but now i have to deal with the fact that none of them even want me involved in any way at all. I dont know what to do, im breaking down all over again and after i was DOING SO GOOD!!!! DAMN IT!!! Why cant i just be a normal person? Why cant i just go through life like an average jo with no hopes no dreams no NOTHING!!!! and not be FORCED into being this? I feel so horrible, I hate myself so much......and now i realize that i was never wanted or needed or embraced by a single person i have ever been involved with in the ring and that hurts worse than i ever thought possible.Now there is no doubt in my mind that there is no room for me in this world,nobody wants me here so why the fuck should i hang on? The other night my wife had a dream that i was beaten to death in a parking lot......Hopefully thats a sign of things to come : ) God i just hope so because NOW i am TRULY ready to go.
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