Alcohol Recovery Without 12 Steps Community Group
This group was created to explore various recovery paths for Alcoholism. We generally chose to explore paths outside of the AA model, or ones which incorporate, but are not limited to AA. Anyone wanting to learn and explore how to become free from alcohol addiction are welcome. Our main goal is to support each other with compassion and decency, while remaining open minded...
My mother is 85 yrs old. She has her own mind. My family did not see drinking in my drinking days. So They did not if I had a drinking problem.
I brought up to her that I am having my 25th anniversary soon. She says I did not know you had a drinking problem. I said yah Mom drinking 3 to 4 cases of beer a week. I think my family just thinks that I am making this up. Thats the feeling I had during my sobriety. I did not care if they did. I did not need to be validated by them.
Than I said Mom alcholism is on both sides of the family. She asks who......well your sister.........I kept on naming names. I said its a problem. My how denial works in wonderious ways.
I do not have a relationship with my Mother. She knows very little about me. That hour I spent with her was very intense for me. I confronted her on her racist remark.
When I am not up to snuff I don't call my mother or anyone else for that matter.
I mentioned to her I am dealing with depression. I never shared that with her. She asked alot of questions which most I did not answer. My mother dealt with depression shortly after I was born. She had asked a doctor once does depression affects family too. I nod my head. She did not want her kids to deal with depression. her asking about my meds. she loves doctors and pills its a cure all.
I was'nt going to allow her play in being a victum because she had depression. That depression is a chemical imbalance along with other issues. I don't feel shame having depression. There again I said it runs in both sides of the families........there again she wanted names. She thought she was the only .......poor poor me attitude........ she is very into me, myself and I mentality.. I have gotten to the point of acceptance that she will never be available and my not getting needs met...Its taken alot of sweat and tears to get this point in my life. I have no expectations...
Thank you I need to rant for a bit..
Kathi
I brought up to her that I am having my 25th anniversary soon. She says I did not know you had a drinking problem. I said yah Mom drinking 3 to 4 cases of beer a week. I think my family just thinks that I am making this up. Thats the feeling I had during my sobriety. I did not care if they did. I did not need to be validated by them.
Than I said Mom alcholism is on both sides of the family. She asks who......well your sister.........I kept on naming names. I said its a problem. My how denial works in wonderious ways.
I do not have a relationship with my Mother. She knows very little about me. That hour I spent with her was very intense for me. I confronted her on her racist remark.
When I am not up to snuff I don't call my mother or anyone else for that matter.
I mentioned to her I am dealing with depression. I never shared that with her. She asked alot of questions which most I did not answer. My mother dealt with depression shortly after I was born. She had asked a doctor once does depression affects family too. I nod my head. She did not want her kids to deal with depression. her asking about my meds. she loves doctors and pills its a cure all.
I was'nt going to allow her play in being a victum because she had depression. That depression is a chemical imbalance along with other issues. I don't feel shame having depression. There again I said it runs in both sides of the families........there again she wanted names. She thought she was the only .......poor poor me attitude........ she is very into me, myself and I mentality.. I have gotten to the point of acceptance that she will never be available and my not getting needs met...Its taken alot of sweat and tears to get this point in my life. I have no expectations...
Thank you I need to rant for a bit..
Kathi
Wow, 25 years! I can't imagine being alive long enough to celebrate 25 years of sobriety!!! I shoulda started way younger. I've got 24 yrs and 3-1/2 months to go, and longevity doesn't exactly run in my family. lol
Quite the conversation you had with your mom. I hope you felt like a weight was lifted just getting some of those things out. Good for you.
I've been able to say a few things to my mom I've wanted to get off my chest for a long time too - but she doesn't remember the conversation 2-1/2 minutes after we've had it. It's kinda working for me in that respect. Just trying to find that silver lining in there somewhere, I guess.
ramble, ramble, ramble Jan. Say goodnight.
Does it really matter if you family is questioning you, you seem to have reached a good place in your life without them knowing, so just let them get on with it.
I say concentrate on yourself and be so proud of what you are achieving.
Think you are quite an inspiration.
If our environment is crap, if we are surrounded by those people that are intent on bringing us down to their low, low level, we will likely succumb over time. I think we all have and still have people in our lives that are trying to get us to go back to drinking. Pressure, guilt, abuse, no access to medical treatment, all of these things contribute, in our cases, to our drinking. Rich or poor we all have pressures that can drive to drink on occasion, but there are many, many among us who drink over trivial problems or for fabricated ones to justify our behavior or moods. We may be genetically predisposed to being fat or being an alcoholic, but in the final analysis we are not animals - we have control of whether we eat cookies or fruit, drink club soda or a gin and tonic.
Indeed, I do not deny genetics plays a role in addiction and a wide range of health problems, but almost all of these can be beat back by us making choices that combat them, be it diabetes, heart disease, or alcoholism.
I think recovery is about hard choices and hard times, but nothing worthwhile every came easy.
2hearts, you've been sober 1 year less than I have been alive, that is impressive indeed.