Alcoholism is a disease and until you decide to take the measures to get sober it will control and destroy your life.

It's all about choices.

Peace!

Thank you for your reply. I know. I want to be sober, and most of the time have no desire to drink, in fact feel that I would not like to feel any alcohol in me, but then I find I am drinking. I have been trying to be more mindful, but feel I am loosing the battle to know when I will drink. How does one wake up enough to know?

Are you a binge drinker? Everyone's rock bottom is different - no one has the answer to this question, only the individual that asks it - when you it your personal rock bottom, there's only two choices - deeper or take a turn upwards.

If it's a matter of intellect for you - keep a journal of your day and see if you begin to notice a pattern or triggers that bring that desire - and then - when you notice them, ask yourself, why do you make the choice to drink instead of engaging in a different activity - only you can figure out where and why you take that turn -

being sober can be hard when we have to face the realities of life and for many the horrors of a past - but it is what it is - facing the world clean and sober is not an easy thing to do but it is very rewarding for someone in recovery - pain is another - it hurts, no doubt, but you have to feel it to heal it - when you learn to practice the art of forgiveness and acceptance - steps are taken to healing.

Peace!

Welcome!

I know it's hard but try not to beat yourself up, it really only makes things worse.

Can I suggest Smartrecovery.org to you?
You may like it, I use it.

Keep posting on here and we will keep helping you.

Robin

Welcome. You have to get the mind set that you just don't drink anymore. It's just not an option. Excessive drinking is usually a way of escaping from something or to mask the pain. Have you figured out the "why" of why you drink?

Welcome MrOuta.

I too, drank while intellectually knowing it was messing things up. You can use that intellect to find the patterns and change them. Sometimes you have to pause when certain feelings - urges - habits come up and mindfully ask yourself: What am I doing? Why am I doing this? What would be a better thing to do?

Compost,---EXACTLY---I think I would be much more able to not drink if I were aware of my internal state before I started, therein lies the problem. It seems like I am on autopilot and can't seem to remember a good reason not to drink just before I start. I have found mindfulness meditation helps, but I am fairly new to the practice and have been neglecting it for a couple of weeks. Anyway, thanks for the reminder--that word--mindfulness--something I need to keep it close at hand

Well hi; For me ,I had to get off the fence about drinking.My Life and it was my life, was a MESS. I stop drinking and GOT help any where I could to do that.I went to AA that helped alot,I went to counseling and that helped alot.What I have learnned in 26 years of being sober is that it was up to ME weather I stayed sober and my respondabely. I had to take my alcohisim serouriesly because if I didn`t I would have been dead years ago and I choose life over death. The right choise for me and I hope the right choise for you... Take care John You do have a choise.....

John. thanks. I have been trying, including counseling, attending other online groups, and comming here. Most of the time I KNOW I have a choise, fully, those are the times I don't feel like drinking anyway. Congradulations on you sobriety.

You know what is a trip? That voice that says it's no big deal to have a drink that comes into your mind even when you have rationalized that drinking is not good for your life and you decided to quit. I have even experienced a kind of jet lag in my thinking where I will agree to drink or begin drinking without even remembering all those wonderful reasons I had to abstain. It's like all the shame and ass kicking in the world is forgotten in that moment, and that my friend is your addictive voice, your alcoholism. If you can tell it to shut up and get busy with something else, something productive and happy or talk to someone then the feeling will pass. Until the next time. The trick is doing this long term until you break the habit of obsessing about it. If it were easy this support group would not exist. I have so been where you are so many times. Get thru today and begin again.

So true, Sunflower. If it were easy we'd all have done it without strain.

MrOuta, a lot of poeple have found meditation helpful for training their minds to get with the now and controlling their thoughts.

I never had much luck with meditation but I did find other helpful techniques. I would chant affirmations like: I make healthy choices, I am strong and capable, I am a nondrinker. That always felt goofy but it helped some. Still I'd find myself drinking in spite of my clever chanting.

What helped more was writing into my schedule something else to do during that time of day that I was most likely to drink. It helped still more to write beside the item something like -you don't have to do that you can do something else, just not drink.

Sometimes you have to nag yourself lots of different ways till it sticks. Never give up!

Let go of trying to figure out why you do this. If you are an alcholic, you drink because (I believe) because it is natural for you.

I mean-it is amazing for an alcoholic to abstain-truly is.

Just stop boozing, period. Try not to figure it out now. That will come later-it did for me atleast. Get a plan of ACTION to quit-things to do to get outside of your head.

First of all welcome to the group. I fiinally reached a point in my drinking where I had lots of good reasons not to drink and I just didn't care. I drank to stop the pain and even though I knew that if I drank I was going to cause myself more pain I did it anyway. Insane thinking at it's greatest. I was finally able to break the cycle after I got tired of picking myself up off of the ground so many times. This group has been a great help to me and I hope you keep coming back. Just being willing to open up to others and tell them what is going on in our minds can help to have a better understanding of ourselves.

Have you told anyone that you're trying to quit drinking? Do you have friends or family to support you? This is a hard thing to do and it's a hell of a lot easier when you have people in your corner. Drinking caused a lot of consequences in my life. Legal and relationship-wise ... try and remember why you've made the decision to quit. Some people make lists. Journaling is great too. If you do it here ... you can make them private so that only you can see them or you can allow only your friends to view them for encouragement. We're all here to support you in anyway we can. Hang in there ... you CAN do this!

sunflower, thanks for knowing. Day three and keeping busy, avoiding my biggest trigger and looking forward to tomorrow. Beginning to be able to look at my wife, god bless her for being more forgiving of me than I am (she used to be somewhat of an enabler, but we had a deep discussion about my concerns several years ago, and she truly understands how not to enable)