(((Deb))) keep meditating. Please know that it was good advice to take a break-your daughter is probably sick too and needs help. Alanon is a great way to go in my opinion. Just hold fast on the fact that you need to take care of YOU first, and if that means a seperation from her, so be it. No on will benefit from you drinking.

Hi Deb KK is right about your daughter needing help. Worry about you first. When you are able to handle stress and tension, then look at others. If you have a sponsor talk to them, maybe they can get someone from Al Anon to talk to your daughter. Good for you being honest, when I joined I made a vow to not lie to myself and others anymore. Keep meditating,and keep up your attitude.

Right at this moment you need to take care of you. So take a little break from your daughter, just for a little until you feel a little stronger.

Also if you could get your daughter to go to Alanon she may get some help for herself and also understand your situation more.

Remember we are always here for you.

my mom is a alcoholic and i think ur daughter is just frustrated i get that way with my mom dont take it to personaly its a tough thing to beat for everyone i hope u r ok

Whew, I had to read that last paragraph over when I saw peoples responses -- glad I did -- I thought you said you were sitting there trying to medicate (not meditate!) this away.

Good on you for meditating instead of medicating! Just curious -- how old's your daughter?

I couldn't have done this without the support of my family and friends -- I hope you have some support other than your daughter. It's tough going it alone.

I would never suggest someone give up their grandchildren - but if what it takes is a small break from your daughter - well then, whatever it takes!

Good to see you posting, Deb!

Thanks everyone for your kind words. She took my advice and found a meeting yesterday right after the confrontation. She emailed me to say thanks for that advice and it was helpful. She is 37 and has been dealing with me for quite some time. Unfortunately she is suspicious and she grills me all the time even when I had 50 days under by belt. Hope they can make her see that is not at all helpful. Today is another day. I'll just keep trying.

Hi Deb- I can relate how a close family member will show anger towards you. My wife and I are still working through the many years of how my issue effected us. The good news is you being sober will only make your relationship with your daughter better.

I saw in your journal that you drank yesterday due to all the tension. I know how easy that is to do but please call someone or post here or reach out to others before you drink again. We are here to help.

Thanks very much Rick. Yes, I have to start doing that and not just self medicating. I wish I was back in rehab right now to tell you the truth! :) I'll try to be good today. I obsessed so much about counting sober days that I felt too much shame when I slipped. I think I need to relax with the counting but AA does that with the coins and such. I need to be sober for my health so I'll find a way. :)

I am the total opposite with my daughter...I abandoned her last August...she was 8...for 8 years I did it by myself and because of alcohol induced delusional thinking, I chose alcohol over her, my 1st house, my 1st car that I had payments for, my job, and everything else I no longer cared about...getting, finding ways and means to get more was all I deeply cared about...she went to a new house, with a new family and I got to see her every weekend if I could pass a breathalizer given to me each Friday when she would come to my house...just would wait till later in the day to drink so I could literally forget the pain with blackouts...woke up the next evening every weekend and started all over again till I blacked out...I found them enjoyable...relieving...I have written some journals about my daughter...getting her back in my home is going to be easy, but she is paramount in my search for truth on the path abstinence from the poison that destroyed my liver in 15 short years...I lost a parent at a very young age....I didn't want her to watch me kill myself slowly anymore...her father is already in prison...yep!went to prison twice for too many dui's just in her short life of 9 years. I realized if I quit drinking for myself, I would benefit her. I'm strong enough to show my love and go through hell to meet her personal request from 2 days ago "Mommy...i want to see that judge and tell him I am ready to come home because I know you are not drinking. You have never been a better mommy and I want that judge to give me back to you. I love you because you gave birth to me." It's what she said...I replied, "I am changing. Do you want to change with me?".Then she told me stories of how she was being treated and I told her to be patient and not to be disrespectful to her new family or talk-back or show a bad attitude that I would have her out of there in 3 weeks...now I feel as if I have lied to her because her guardian(new family) told my husband yesterday about her hopes for the future and how she was going to get a scholarship at Whirlpool if she gets the job to give my daughter a better life than I did. He told this snake of a woman that won't be neccesary because we will have the money to get her back in July. She told him she wasn't signing anything until her attorney looked at it...this woman can't even afford to pay attention let alone get an attorney, so my hope of 21 days was crushed, but I did take pictures from the big, dark bruises she came over last weekend with on her back. She told me they were from her guardian's daughter throwing her down and kicking her, and that she is always either verbally or physically abusing her and if my daughter tries to fight back she gets in trouble and gets grounded from me...I tell you what....that 13 y.o. is bigger than me...I would love to rip her's and her f....ed up mom's faces off and feed them to rabid wild dogs...but I try to maintain hope instead of vengence...