Alcohol Recovery Without 12 Steps Community Group
This group was created to explore various recovery paths for Alcoholism. We generally chose to explore paths outside of the AA model, or ones which incorporate, but are not limited to AA. Anyone wanting to learn and explore how to become free from alcohol addiction are welcome. Our main goal is to support each other with compassion and decency, while remaining open minded...
To thy own self be true and only you can ultimately answer this question.
In order to tackle this question, one must first be aware of and take a position on one the two prevailing thoughts regarding whether or not so called “alcoholism” is a disease or not.
Until recently the disease theory has one out and been supported wholeheartedly by the 12 Step community that insists that one can never be recovered from this horrid state but can achieve “sobriety” by living life as a “recovering” alcoholic by adhering to certain Steps and being a lifetime member of their “fellowship”.
More recently, however, many doctors, therapists and certain segments of the “recovery industry” have embraced the idea that excessive or “dependent” drinking is a condition or disorder that can be overcome.
I agree and view dependent drinking as a RESPONSE to other underlying issues that one is trying numb out or forget in order to relieve their inner pain and dysfunction. The problems vary and include conditions or disorders such as social anxiety (or any anxiety for that matter), stress, PTSD, depression, poor life skills, faulty perceptions of reality, etc.
Of course there is a very real “physical addiction” that takes place with prolonged use and while detoxing and withdrawal is a very uncomfortable process with very unpleasant physical ramifications, it is not a disease as one can make the decision to suffer through it. There are certainly people whose dependency is strictly a physical one and once they go through this process, making the decision to moderate their alcohol intake if they so choose, should be a much easier path than for those who have some other driving force leading them to “self-medicate” with alcohol.
But what about those who do in fact suffer from one or more of the above listed issues, can they go through the withdrawal process and move on as a social, responsible or normal drinker?
As drinking is always a CHOICE, the answer is yes but how easy a task that will be and whether or not it is even worth the effort I believe is influenced by several factors and of course can only be answered through trial and error. Many may decide that the risk is not worth the effort and that is a completely viable response. The factors that come into play here are the length of time that one was dependent, the amount of intake and of course the reasons why one became so.
Repeated behavior (habits) become more ingrained or reinforced over time and repetition. The act of drinking becomes almost automatic for many. So the longer and harder you were going at it, the more challenging it is to break those patterns.
But the real key as to whether one will be successful in a return to “normal” drinking, I believe, is dependent on one overcoming whatever underlying issues one was using dependent drinking as a response to. If you simply quit, go through the withdrawal process but don’t address and overcome or majorly resolve and mitigate those issues, then the chances of returning to the previous self-medicating response is VERY high.
In my own personal case, I have to admit that I bought into the “disease theory” to a degree as it was and still is, the accepted and prevailing theory. So much so that when I wrote a book on the subject, I absolutely put forth the notion that a return to drinking was not in the cards for those whose dependency lasted for extremely long durations. Well I’ve changed my stance on that thought as I decided to test the waters (after 4 years of abstinence) and low and behold, the world did not end and my imaginary disease was not in fact doing pushups in the parking lot.
I suppose that a quick summary of my drinking patterns and history is in order to remove any doubts as to whether or not I “qualified” as a dependent drinker or “alcoholic”.
I started drinking on New Year’s Eve at the age of 12. My parents were throwing a party and there was a huge bar set up in the den. Well me and two of my best friends liberated a bottle of this and a bottle of that, mixed it all together and shitfaced we became. One of my buddies threw up all over my bedroom and the other was so hung over the next day he thought he was going to die. They both swore off alcohol for quite some time. Me, not so much. I took an instant love towards it and unbeknownst to me at the time and for the next 35 years or so, besides feeling great, it also had the effect of mitigating my fairly severe case of social anxiety. It worked and as the years rolled on, it also worked for job and marriage related stress and then finally depression. It worked until it didn’t work as I never learned healthy ways of dealing with those issues but I was able to eke out living (if you can call it that) and managed to support a family, show up where and when I was supposed to and from all outward appearances, live a pretty typical middle class life. But I was miserable and didn’t even know it. Well maybe I intuited that I was miserable but had no idea why and the booze just became an ever depended upon way of just making it all go away.
The shit hit the proverbial fan when after a failed 30 rehab day stint and the “suggested” 90 in 90 didn’t do the trick, I went back to my ways (I had tried AA previously and it didn’t resonate then and didn’t this time either). Why didn’t it work? Because nothing in their ridiculously religious dogmatic faith healing “fellowship” and the Steps on which it is based, did one thing to address those underlying conditions or disorders.
So after another 18 or so months of my drinking escalating to even greater heights, my world came crashing down. Within a one month span my divorce was finalized, I got laid off from work due to the economy and my landlord decided he was moving back in with his fiancé and there was no room for me. So there I was, divorced, jobless, my kids wanting nothing to do with me and no place to live. Those last 18 months I was drinking well over a quart of vodka a day and I didn’t start a morning without it or ever not have a bottle hiding somewhere in my car.
So you see……I QUALIFY……..
So it was moment of truth and decision time. Choice number one, which I was totally drawn to, was to buy about 10 gallons of vodka and barricade myself in a fleabag motel and just drink until I didn’t wake up one day. Choice #2 was to “put the plug in the jug” and give this whole life thing one more shot.
That was a little over 5 years ago and obviously I went with what was behind door #2.
Ok, so what does this all have to with moderation? Well about 4 years in, I had met the love of my life and we got married. It was a picture perfect day with the ceremony & cocktail hour on the beach and the reception held inside the restaurant’s separate catering room.
I had long since resolved my underlying issues, repaired my relationships with my kids and life was….well damn good. I decided that I wasn’t going to toast my own wedding and future with a glass of water and that I was going to raise the flute of champagne to my lips along with everyone else. And so I did and finished that flute and another one and that was that. I didn’t go running to the open bar and hours later at the after reception party, I happily drank my lemon-lime club soda as nearly everyone else got somewhat shitfaced as people do at weddings. Since then I have had the occasional drink when appropriate. A few months ago, a pretty stressful life event occurred and I thought I’d have a drink like I used to and bought a teeny bottle of vodka. I drank it, it did what it was supposed to, but…….I wanted more. There it was and it was real. Fortunately old dogs can learn new tricks and I saw it for what it was and what I was doing. I saw that it was a RESPONSE to that event and that the old conditioned pattern could VERY EASILY be awakened. Live and LEARN.
So I’ve made the DECISION that I’m only going to drink when it’s in an appropriate time and place and for normal social reasons or interactions. If I find myself romancing the idea of a drink because I’ve had a particularly rough day or episode, RED FLAG and I don’t go there.
I was a stress/anxiety drinker and those old enforced behavioral responses apparently don’t vanish all that readily.
So for the most part, I choose NOT to moderate. Having to count drinks or choose drinking days is stressful and not a lot of fun. I was a stress drinker, I get it.
Plus my life has been nothing short of amazing these past five years. I’ve rediscovered old hobbies and embarked on new ones. I’ve excelled in and reached new levels of proficiency in athletic endeavors, feel healthier and more energetic and now live an infinitely more authentic and creative life than back in the day.
So, is moderation possible or a good idea or attainable for you? Only you can answer that and whatever choice you make, if it works for you, then it’s all good.
Peace out,
Rolf Ankermann
In order to tackle this question, one must first be aware of and take a position on one the two prevailing thoughts regarding whether or not so called “alcoholism” is a disease or not.
Until recently the disease theory has one out and been supported wholeheartedly by the 12 Step community that insists that one can never be recovered from this horrid state but can achieve “sobriety” by living life as a “recovering” alcoholic by adhering to certain Steps and being a lifetime member of their “fellowship”.
More recently, however, many doctors, therapists and certain segments of the “recovery industry” have embraced the idea that excessive or “dependent” drinking is a condition or disorder that can be overcome.
I agree and view dependent drinking as a RESPONSE to other underlying issues that one is trying numb out or forget in order to relieve their inner pain and dysfunction. The problems vary and include conditions or disorders such as social anxiety (or any anxiety for that matter), stress, PTSD, depression, poor life skills, faulty perceptions of reality, etc.
Of course there is a very real “physical addiction” that takes place with prolonged use and while detoxing and withdrawal is a very uncomfortable process with very unpleasant physical ramifications, it is not a disease as one can make the decision to suffer through it. There are certainly people whose dependency is strictly a physical one and once they go through this process, making the decision to moderate their alcohol intake if they so choose, should be a much easier path than for those who have some other driving force leading them to “self-medicate” with alcohol.
But what about those who do in fact suffer from one or more of the above listed issues, can they go through the withdrawal process and move on as a social, responsible or normal drinker?
As drinking is always a CHOICE, the answer is yes but how easy a task that will be and whether or not it is even worth the effort I believe is influenced by several factors and of course can only be answered through trial and error. Many may decide that the risk is not worth the effort and that is a completely viable response. The factors that come into play here are the length of time that one was dependent, the amount of intake and of course the reasons why one became so.
Repeated behavior (habits) become more ingrained or reinforced over time and repetition. The act of drinking becomes almost automatic for many. So the longer and harder you were going at it, the more challenging it is to break those patterns.
But the real key as to whether one will be successful in a return to “normal” drinking, I believe, is dependent on one overcoming whatever underlying issues one was using dependent drinking as a response to. If you simply quit, go through the withdrawal process but don’t address and overcome or majorly resolve and mitigate those issues, then the chances of returning to the previous self-medicating response is VERY high.
In my own personal case, I have to admit that I bought into the “disease theory” to a degree as it was and still is, the accepted and prevailing theory. So much so that when I wrote a book on the subject, I absolutely put forth the notion that a return to drinking was not in the cards for those whose dependency lasted for extremely long durations. Well I’ve changed my stance on that thought as I decided to test the waters (after 4 years of abstinence) and low and behold, the world did not end and my imaginary disease was not in fact doing pushups in the parking lot.
I suppose that a quick summary of my drinking patterns and history is in order to remove any doubts as to whether or not I “qualified” as a dependent drinker or “alcoholic”.
I started drinking on New Year’s Eve at the age of 12. My parents were throwing a party and there was a huge bar set up in the den. Well me and two of my best friends liberated a bottle of this and a bottle of that, mixed it all together and shitfaced we became. One of my buddies threw up all over my bedroom and the other was so hung over the next day he thought he was going to die. They both swore off alcohol for quite some time. Me, not so much. I took an instant love towards it and unbeknownst to me at the time and for the next 35 years or so, besides feeling great, it also had the effect of mitigating my fairly severe case of social anxiety. It worked and as the years rolled on, it also worked for job and marriage related stress and then finally depression. It worked until it didn’t work as I never learned healthy ways of dealing with those issues but I was able to eke out living (if you can call it that) and managed to support a family, show up where and when I was supposed to and from all outward appearances, live a pretty typical middle class life. But I was miserable and didn’t even know it. Well maybe I intuited that I was miserable but had no idea why and the booze just became an ever depended upon way of just making it all go away.
The shit hit the proverbial fan when after a failed 30 rehab day stint and the “suggested” 90 in 90 didn’t do the trick, I went back to my ways (I had tried AA previously and it didn’t resonate then and didn’t this time either). Why didn’t it work? Because nothing in their ridiculously religious dogmatic faith healing “fellowship” and the Steps on which it is based, did one thing to address those underlying conditions or disorders.
So after another 18 or so months of my drinking escalating to even greater heights, my world came crashing down. Within a one month span my divorce was finalized, I got laid off from work due to the economy and my landlord decided he was moving back in with his fiancé and there was no room for me. So there I was, divorced, jobless, my kids wanting nothing to do with me and no place to live. Those last 18 months I was drinking well over a quart of vodka a day and I didn’t start a morning without it or ever not have a bottle hiding somewhere in my car.
So you see……I QUALIFY……..
So it was moment of truth and decision time. Choice number one, which I was totally drawn to, was to buy about 10 gallons of vodka and barricade myself in a fleabag motel and just drink until I didn’t wake up one day. Choice #2 was to “put the plug in the jug” and give this whole life thing one more shot.
That was a little over 5 years ago and obviously I went with what was behind door #2.
Ok, so what does this all have to with moderation? Well about 4 years in, I had met the love of my life and we got married. It was a picture perfect day with the ceremony & cocktail hour on the beach and the reception held inside the restaurant’s separate catering room.
I had long since resolved my underlying issues, repaired my relationships with my kids and life was….well damn good. I decided that I wasn’t going to toast my own wedding and future with a glass of water and that I was going to raise the flute of champagne to my lips along with everyone else. And so I did and finished that flute and another one and that was that. I didn’t go running to the open bar and hours later at the after reception party, I happily drank my lemon-lime club soda as nearly everyone else got somewhat shitfaced as people do at weddings. Since then I have had the occasional drink when appropriate. A few months ago, a pretty stressful life event occurred and I thought I’d have a drink like I used to and bought a teeny bottle of vodka. I drank it, it did what it was supposed to, but…….I wanted more. There it was and it was real. Fortunately old dogs can learn new tricks and I saw it for what it was and what I was doing. I saw that it was a RESPONSE to that event and that the old conditioned pattern could VERY EASILY be awakened. Live and LEARN.
So I’ve made the DECISION that I’m only going to drink when it’s in an appropriate time and place and for normal social reasons or interactions. If I find myself romancing the idea of a drink because I’ve had a particularly rough day or episode, RED FLAG and I don’t go there.
I was a stress/anxiety drinker and those old enforced behavioral responses apparently don’t vanish all that readily.
So for the most part, I choose NOT to moderate. Having to count drinks or choose drinking days is stressful and not a lot of fun. I was a stress drinker, I get it.
Plus my life has been nothing short of amazing these past five years. I’ve rediscovered old hobbies and embarked on new ones. I’ve excelled in and reached new levels of proficiency in athletic endeavors, feel healthier and more energetic and now live an infinitely more authentic and creative life than back in the day.
So, is moderation possible or a good idea or attainable for you? Only you can answer that and whatever choice you make, if it works for you, then it’s all good.
Peace out,
Rolf Ankermann
I do agree that even the worst alcohol addict could have a couple drinks without going insane with desire for more, but I also know there are those whom have convinced themselves they can't do it and that belief is likely to be self-fulfilling. I now believe for me, moderation is more trouble than it is worth. Now that I have been sober for over 3 months I have found that I feel good much more of the time than I did when I drank. I feel good almost all the time now and just cannot imagine feeling better because of ingesting any amount of alcohol. Being even mildly drunk simply does not equate to feeling better for me anymore. I expect as long as I maintain that perspective I won't crave alcohol, even in "moderation". I now want to find out what is possible for me while living a sober and natural life. I am seeking to reach some higher level of happiness and performance that I believe only exists if I stay sober.
The drinker me has a good time for a while because I really enjoy it. Makes everything a happening. Then it starts to break down and I eventually I reach a miserable state because I am drinking all the time not for kicks but in a desperate attempt to feel "normal." The sober me feels pretty good nearly all the time. The older I get, the more appealing the latter option is.