Anyway, when my wife gets up, at some point maybe I can find out what's really eating her. She has more than her share of "issues", but they say the most difficult people can be the best teachers of compassion.

Hey - feel free to vent here anytime! As much as writing in a journal is useful, sometimes it really helps to yell it to the world. Or at least to us here at DS. Keep posting, keep venting, and most of all, keep sober.

Glad to hear that you didn't drink. Damn good thing you didn't have a stash to get into, too.

Hope you two have a smoother time of it today.

Marriage counseling?

Carebear--many times. My wife has some emotional problems, and when we need counseling, anything other than "yes dear you are 100% right and I am 100% wrong results in her insisting I have conspired with the therapist to pick on her and treat her "like crap". The therapy ends and I pay and pay.

Living with someone like that can drain the life out of you. Glad you did not drink though because then she would have "won" so to speak. You demonstrated that you are the bigger person by not drinking in a time I know is hard not to. I have first hand exp[experience with what you described. I hate to ask but would you be better off separated or is this behavior an occasional thing?

Definitely vent away here. It helps to let off steam in a healthy manner.

Well then if you are going to choose to live in a life like that and it jeopardizes your sobriety, maybe individual therapy is a necessity for you -

Since you know how she is and the scenario of things, sounds like you MAKE it an excuse to drink (even though you aren't drinking now) but your post indicates when she's in her mode you bottoms it up - i bet even if she wasn't in a mode you'd think of reasons to drink. I get the impression that you are blaming the person your wife is as your excuse to drink - I maybe totally wrong on that - that is just my perception of the post and the responses -

If you choose to live with it, then so be it, that's cool - if you find it hard to live with you are gonna have a hard time staying sober - if it is a trigger for your drinking.

Peace!

carebear, you are right on so many levels. Would I have made another excuse--not yesterday. When stuff is so rediculously obvious it is easy to get beyond. Because things had been relativly stable, it really caught me off balance. My excused are often not known to me, excuses none the less, and I take ownership of my choises. I don't know how to always see it coming, and certainly have too much guilt to bail when my wife is in the most need of compassion, when she is the craziest. Believe me, the thought of moving on is not new, and in fact the threat of this resulted in her willingness for her last hospitalization. I do choose to live with it: NOTHING is not hard to live with at times. I currently see a counselor who is a big help. The last therapist, who did not know how concerned I was about my drinking was currious as to why I was not a raging out of control alcoholic. By the way, my main trigger is getting disgusted with apathy and boredom. I also have a problem with running away from that which is a stressor, I will take me with me. I could quit my job and the stress, divorce, but I don't run away. It is up to me to learn how to deal with life. Slowly and surely I am blaming others less and less (but that raises my guilt more and more). Rick understands th choosing between a bad and a worse choise, that flip places at times. The good news is that I was still very aggitated today AND had plenty of opportunity to get etoh, and chose not to. So I will keep on trying day to day, and limit the opportunity. So, no drinking for 11 days. Thanks as always, John

ps, the last hospitalization, she was diagnosed with depression with psychotic features, and while it was expected she had a50% chance of spending her life in and out of institutions, whe have both worked to keep her stable and at home. Sometimes I just need to bitch.

Well i admire you very much for choosing to live with it - so on that note, with your therapist, you must really take all the necessary measures to achieve sobriety and maintain it - has your therapist suggested any face to face support groups for spouses or families in your situation with your wife's diagnosis? Maybe in having that avenue and outlet will help you and of course, in helping yourself, you can maintain that sobriety a little easier - Also, have you talked with your therapist about stress management - most facilities are actually a pain management clinics that in addition to medication and acupuncture (which you problem don't need) they use bio feed back, relaxation therapies - as part of stress relief (as one's pain is escalated by stress) many times these clinics are related to PTSD - which in your cicurmstance, i would check to see if you would fall into that category - as it is highly stressful (one of my ex- SIL is diagnosed with psychotic issues) - possible massage therapy for yourself, intense physical exercise (if the doctor gives the ok) = to help with the stress.

IT's ok to vent now and then - and again, like i said, wasn't quite sure about the whole picture earlier when i posted, but i think you shared enough to make it more understandable.

Peace!

Hi, Mroutacontrol!!!
You seem to have a very clear picture of your situation and also seem to have pretty much come to terms with it!!!
I'm glad that you are seeing a good therpist!!! A GOOD one can help so much!!!!!
Good going on the not drinking!!! Keep up the good work!!
And good luck to your wife, too!!! She has a lot on her plate, too!! ((((((Hugs)))))

I feel for you. I lived in a difficult situation for years. It wasn't my wife that was the problem it was my step daughter. I knew it going into the marriage but thought that I could fix things and deal with anything that came up. I gave and gave of myself trying to fix things that could not be fixed until I ended up being the one who was broken and full of resentment and of course being an alcoholic I tried to fix myself by drinking.

The end result was a broken marriage and I came close to losing my life. Things come up in our lives that we just have no control over and if we keep butting our heads up against them we are putting ourselves at risk if we don't step back from them and focus on taking care of ourselves. Just be careful. I admire your loyalty to your wife but sometimes living in chaos can overwhelm us before we know it and lead us back to the bottle. I know that for a fact. I guess what I am trying to say is that you need to take care of yourself first. We are no good to others if we're sick ourselves.