Sorry to hear you're going through this. You can't marry in your country because of the age difference between two consenting adults? Wow, what a shame. I take it your parents don't approve of this relationship - if they're is a hurry to get you married off while she's away. Is it just the age thing and no prospective grandchildren that they have a problem with?

Is this a permanent offer of work here in the States for your girlfriend? Unfortunately, I have absolutely no knowledge of laws regarding getting into the US.

What does she have to say about it? Is she willing to give the relationship up? Does she want you to come with her? Keep up a long distance relationship? Can you go with her? I just read your post through again - She wants you to get married and start a family?

I'm sure you must feel betrayed by your Dr., even though it's probably an excellent opportunity for your GF.

I realize this wasn't actually advice -- I'm not sure I have any. Sounds like you may have to move on with your life without your girlfriend. 4 years is a long time to be together. Did this happen totally out of the blue? I'm sorry you're hurting. Stay strong.

I don't think it's healthy to depend on anyone for emotional sobriety/security. We can't make other people our strength. It's not healthy for them or us. Maybe concentrate on why she fills the void you need filled and why you can't fill it for yourself. Our higher power/spirituality can help us see this and help us find answers. Sorry you are having a hard time. I have only said these things to hopefully help. You already know drinking will make this worse for you. The booze will cut you off from yourself and anything outside of yourself. You don't want that.

Thanks!
You can't marry in your country because of the age difference between two consenting adults? JanMichelle...
No its not the law that stopping us. Its not socially accepted in India. And its not practical, by the time I am 40 she will be 60. Just think about the future problems. 5-10 years difference is ok but 17 years difference is way too much. ( shes 49, i am 32- sorry made a mistake in my earlier post)
And she feels the same way.
My parents are not in a hurry to get me married off but feel that I will meet someone my age when shes away, cuz currently I don't look around so much.
How will I fill the void when shes gone cuz I don't want to rush into a relationship just for sex, I have done that many times before and screwed up my head!
Shes got an offer to run a chain of hotels, and it seems to be permanent. They wanted a lady with no responsibilities who can relocate.
As for my dr, shes offered the job for her and my own good cuz she also feels I should marry and settle down.
I just wanna pass this period sober, that's all that I pray for. I know I will be lonely but if I get thru this I will be much stronger. Just be positive and look at the bright side of life.
Thanks to u all for replying. I think this is a great group cuz I was sick of all of those AA terminologies they use for all problems. This talk is much more practical and straight forward.

If they want a lady with no responsibilities does that include no partner?.

I think you will have to ask your girlfriend if she is ending the relationship by going away or if she wants you to go with her.

It sounds to me like you have partly made up your mind to stay, if so you cannot rely on any one person to keep you sober, in the end this is up to you. You are doing it for You.

It will hurt as any relationship breaking up does, but you will have to be strong and not let alcohol take over again and you will have us all here to help.

Be strong. Eileen

lennie61
If they want a lady with no responsibilities does that include no partner?.
I think you will have to ask your girlfriend if she is ending the...

No partner as in no husband. They wanted a divorcee or a widow. Shes wont be ending the relationship and going, later on I will go and visit her. I cant go and stay there cuz my business is here but who knows the future. As they say ' Don't make plans as the Gods of Destiny might be laughing at you right now!'

I am sorry to hear about your stuggle. However ,I agree that you can not depend on anyone but yourself and spirituality to get through this emotional setback. It is hard to get over emotions/moods...believe me, I know.I was separated from my fiance for 6 months and it was difficult for me, but I drank to relieve the pain. DO NOT DO THAT!!! I just got worse and when we were reunited I was a full blown alcoholic and he ended up taking care of me everyday. I do appreciate his support of my sobriety, but I am doing this because I want to be healthy physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually...others will benefit, but it is my lifestyle and my decision for my life...keep us updated and do not isolate!!!

Hi Sumitlal, my wife and I were seperated for 7 months. During that time we both got sober. The seperation is nothing to drink over. The laughing Gods of destiny may have other plans for you. My higher power has plans for me, unfortunately I don't know them yet. DDPL is right don't drink and visualize your self as strong enough to not drink. Best to you. Randy

hi,
HatMan117
thanks!