It wasn't my spouse it was a parent so i can't really speak to that situation except to say that there seems to be much in commen in living with an alcoholic whether as a spouse or other family member. There are other alanon groups on ds too if this one doesn't pick up.

hey anume! im new here too, all i can say is you can only fix yourself, you sure as heck can't fix them!!! follow the HOW of the program-honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness, get a sponser-PICK UP THE 20 lb PHONE and call her/him, and let them help guide you through the 12 steps of alanon. and KEEP IT SIMPLE!!! ONE DAY AT A TIME-ONE MINUTE AT A TIME!! may god bless you and keep you as you trudge the road of happy destiny!!! cya around!! Lilli

I wonder why this is not a bigger group. I am married almost 11 years to a recovering alcoholic. But we all know its not "happily ever after." I have been in and out of Alanon, ACOA for years. I haven't gone in a while, due to school, therapy and life. I do use the book at times, and more these days I go right to the first book that all these self help books drew from: The Bible. The New Testament has helped, but I still find myself at ends, and I don't want to allow him to draw me in to his crazyness anymore! I was so embarassed today after church, my husband's tone is so degrading to people it makes you feel like your an inch big. I try to be positive with a very negative spouse. I need this group.

I am new here and looking for help too. About my spouse, ut I elonged to alanon many years ago for my sister's prolem. The was a blue book that was ased on the program that we used but I can't find it now. And I'm going to counseling , managed to get huy to come with me once. Don't give up yet, I'll share what I learn! xoxo

I think its because not many people know about Codependancy, or about things like Alanon, everyone has heard of AA and other larger groups. Its been taking me a while to break free from an abusive relationship, its much more sanity being away, but staying away was hard when the guy used to pop back up and start the chaos, spin, abuse and games again. I was lucky i wasnt married to the person who was abusive to me, i had no children. However i know that until they quit their addictions, and get help for their character defects, it isnt a suitable environment for me, and the abuse will continue. Powergiver seems like you would know a lot about alanon and how to work the program? Have you read books on Codependancy and Abuse?

I have been attending Alanon meetings since March of this year. I have been trying to check out as many meetings as I can each week. There are a few that I can really relate to and then a few that I just cannot. One group was made up of parents of addictive children. My suggestion to you is to go on-line and see what other meetings are in your area even if it requires a little more of a drive. I have 2 meetings that I try and attend on a weekly basis. There are a few more during the week that I would like to attend but with school starting I am not sure how much time I will have to do this.

Do you have the Alanon Daily reading books? I just picked up The Twelve Steps for Everyone...who really wants them. This was a recommendation of a friend who participates in AA meetings. I have also found that one of my dearest friends is in AA and provides me with some of the best advice and suggestions I could ever get.

Take care.

Glad I found this group online and I'm sorry it's not bigger. Both of my parents were/are alcoholics. My mom drank terribly, and she died 10 years ago from smoking. My dad was a functioning alcoholic until mom got sick, and then he turned into the stereotype of the sloppy, staggering, slurring drunk. He's been like that on and off for 10 years. He's now visiting me and it's hard seeing him like this. After I went to bed last night, he found a bottle of cooking wine in my fridge (I swear it had an inch of dust on it!), and drank the entire thing. It's so stressful and painful.