He will eventually have to deal with reality if you don't get involved in trying to fix things for him in any way which can be really hard. At the same time you can't force reality on him or you turn out to be the 'bad guy' and become the latest excuse to drink. This is why ala non says don't prevent a crisis and don't cause one just let them come naturally and inevitably in their own time. You have already experienced the fact that you can't control it. Just always remember you need to take care of you. You're the only one you're responsible for - unless you have minor children. And always remember "I have a choice" one of the program's most helpful slogans for me. You only have to face your reality and that with the help of your higher power not alone.

Hi my name is tina: alkie, addict and member of Alanon. Alanon is the cement of my recovery. I to am married to a alcoholic/addict. Two points I would like to share. This first is detachment does not mean disconnect.
I know for a fact that those who I choose to have close intimate relationships with are going to have some sort of addictive behavior. So what I had to do was set boundries for me and them. I learned to say no and I don't like or appreciate this, whatever it maybe. Add to you life ACT AS IF. This was a blessing to me. Regardless if my alkie was drinking/using I went on with my life. I went to meetings, went out with friends, cook meal. went to worship, etc. I live my life as if he was not drinking or using. Now here's the hard part when he called to be rescued, if I was in the middle of something I continue what I was doing. Once if even turned off my phone. Then I came up with this, I told him I need to know he was safe. So if called and said he was ok, I did not fuss, just said thank you. He them ask me if I dropped him off at a bar, so as not to drive after drinking would I pick him up without nagging. I agreed. These steps made it possible for my house to have some serenity and peace. And like you husband he did not drink every day or every weekend. I was not willing to discuss any events which happen will he was out.
Secondly, I learned it was ok to be KIND. This came about after he wrecked my car. Yes, he had been drinking. I thank God everyday no one else was involved and he was not seriously injured. But I was madder than a wet hen. My plan was to cook , clean. speak to him only when I had to. I considered that being nice. But thanks to my terffic sponsor who told me I had to be KIND. This meant eating with him, watching Tv or movies and yes having discussions. The results of this was the herd of elephants which were living in my home did not stampede.
In any of these situation did I walk around on eggshells. If I disagreed with something I let him know. I have also learned that living life means some of the consequence of other can touch me. What I have to do is evaluate what I am willing to put up with.
I would like to be support to you when possible. My job make difficult for me to be online everyday. I will check in when I can. You can email me directly if you wish.
Tina