Can he quit?

I donât knowâ¦â¦â¦

Alcoholism.. is a hard disease to fight⦠and conquer â¦. Cause its so available, its all around usâ¦. Everyone does itâ¦


BUT saying that I believe he can do itâ¦

He just really needs to really want it⦠for himself, me and his kidsâ¦


Like I said.. I am notâ¦. A expert⦠I donât know whats its like being in ur shoes..


I just know whats its like being in mine, and what I have fought alone for so long⦠and what I still go through everydayâ¦. I

just know that feelingâ¦. Inside my chest.. and the shit that runs through my head every second of the dayâ¦

And I just want u to know.. Ur not crazy⦠Ur notâ¦. Over reactingâ¦.


I know how hard it is to talk about, how hard it is to relive it⦠to face everyday.


I just want to get strong⦠in my mind and heart again⦠get myself centered with everything thatâs going on⦠and just know that his fight.. this battle Russ has going on.. has nothing to do with me, what I did, how I did it or didnât do something, how i treat himâ¦..


and everything to do with a battle with himselfâ¦.

Only he⦠can fix itâ¦â¦ i can try to make him want it, i can help him, i can support him⦠but only he can change within himselfâ¦.


i need to fix meâ¦.and become ok⦠with how strong i need to be⦠to handle this â¦. So it doesnât drive me insane.. and to where it makes me want to cryâ¦. And give me anxietyâ¦.


Cause all of thatâ¦all of what I felt and I feel is part of the diseaseâ¦. Is part of enablingâ¦..


I need to get to the place⦠within myself⦠knowing that no matter what happensâ¦. I am gonna be okâ¦

and knowâ¦

that no matter what Russ chooses and no matter ⦠how many times he fails, or how many times⦠he walks awayâ¦.. from alcohol⦠from the temptationâ¦.


That it has to be up to him and his choiceâ¦.. sure he can know the consequencesâ¦. He knows the outcome if he continues the way he has beenâ¦.


But while he does that⦠while he fights that battle inside himself⦠I need to fight mine..


and I need to get to that place⦠where I cant take care of him anymore⦠and everything he does.. doesnât make me question.. whether he has been or not, or where he is⦠what he is doingâ¦. Who he is with, what time he will be homeâ¦..


I want to get to the place where everything he chooses and doesâ¦. Doesnât⦠tear me insideâ¦. To where it doesnât hurt⦠Life goes on with or without meâ¦

And I have decided I want to be out there in life, instead of letting it pass me by⦠I want happiness, and peaceâ¦

I just want meâ¦.

and I want to be ok